The gunpowder between my teeth lets me know that I've come clean..

http://www.myspace.com/defendthemelody

Go here if you know what's good for you.


Adios my loves.

Revolting Revolving Resolutions

New year, new hair, new hat..

new necklace?

Today was productive.. got ma hairrrr did.. brought my poor bedridden secondary bff lunch... tried to give blood and was denied AGAIN.. first time was the weight, second time I was anemic, now my veins are too small?!?!  WTF now Edward will never LOVE ME!  As you can tell by my typing I'm being sarcastic.. where is the sarcasm font already?  Went to Target to buy more gifts and bought shit for myself :/ Then I met up with Matt and we destroyed Stone Brewery.. we pretty much just laughed at everything in the tour, I bet the guide hated us.. oh well it was fun.  I got home and baked something or other, passed out for like an hour and went to see the Disney movie.. again.  I swear Disney movies will be the death of me, I get all mushified over the romance stuff.  Pull yourself together Rose!  Now it's past 1am on xmas eve and I'm blogging.  There isn't much I want for Christmas that can be packaged and wrapped.  I got over gifts like 3 years ago, mainly because I just feel like I accumulate stuff and I'm at a point in my life where really I can just go get what I need myself.  I'm more of a random gift giver and a random gift taker.  Anyways, I'd really like some things to happen next year as my xmas gift.. like good people coming into my life, positive changes, and exciting events.  I'm thinking about my resolutions and I'm going for a total makeover overhaul, inside and out.  That means back to yoga, the gym, running, and eating right.  Also means getting out of the house more and exploring.  I want to start doing more volunteer work as well, finish my documentary, keep working at the piano, take classes again, and start trying to better my vocabulary.  I'm going to finally get my tattoo too!  Talking to an artist now and one of my really good friends is going as well.  I can tell 2010 is going to be insanely busy for me already, phew.  On top of all this I have to remind myself to stop and smell the roses.. yeah yeah yeah.. I think sometimes it's hard for people to keep up with me, I'm just everywhere sometimes and I guess I'm not one to just sit still very often, part of me gets scared because once I do settle down I take my time getting back up and I need to just relax and be myself and trust myself and my sister.. hahah we had a whole discussion about how she can read people really well and doesn't like a lot of people because of that, like she sees things I never do and catches vibes from people that most don't.  I think I need to take things less personally too and stop beating myself up over the tiny things, like I said just work on bettering myself.  Either way I can't complain somehow I've turned a whole lot of lemons into lemonade this year and thrown a few at people as well :P  I still believe that things fall as they should, even if we don't see it at the time and I am so thankful for all I have.  No one can ever say I didn't try my hardest and didn't stop laughing even when shit hit the fan.  And you know what?  This little lady, she's going places.. I aspire to be inspiring.  I'm living in the now and living to the fullest cause what's the use of a boring uneventful life? 


I am a fever, I am a fever.
I ain't born typical.

Sights and Sounds?

http://movieviral.com/2009/12/22/viralcast-24-avatar-review-iron-man-2-trailer-sherlock-holmes-and-more/

Yeah.. I sometimes moonlight in podcasts..
My mic sucks so I sound like I'm underwater.
I talk a lot about 56 minutes in..
So if you want to know what I sound like, um underwater.  Enjoy!

PS.  I could barely understand Ian.. but I'm in love with him none the less.. hahahahah

Until you realise

he doesn't even know you like stars.

Fight like Apes.
Kicking me in the head right now.  In a good way, great band. 

One more day of work this year then I'll catch you all in 2010..

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010

Brick by Brick

Christmas is less than a week away and it's so hot I want to go sailing.

Stopped at 7-11 to load up on Gatorade and water, blegh.  Dinner last night was.  Man it was so good.
Maybe it was because I'd been drinking since 3 and didn't eat breakfast or lunch but as I took that first bite I looked around me.  It might have been the ambiance too.. west Hollywood, candle lit tables.  And I thought you know my life may not be blessed forever but I am damn thankful for all this.  For the moments I felt like I was living. When everything sparkled and I smiled so big that my mouth took up most of my face and my eyes glowed.



If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it


But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Or even in the dark
And that's where I want to be

Some Old School Movies

So Here is a list of some old school movies that I just LOVE.

Seriously, they don't make them like they used to, so if you get a chance, netflix, rent, download, but check them out. Most of these should be appreciated by everyone, romance, suspense, and great story lines.  Just watch them, I PROMISE you, you won't be disappointed!


1. All About Eve (1950)
Why I love it?
     "Aspiring actress Eve Harrington maneuvers her way into the lives of Broadway star Margo Channing, playwright Lloyd Richards and director Bill Sampson. This classic story of ambition and betrayal has become part of American folklore."  -IMDB
     What is there NOT to love about this movie.  Bette Davis' performance as Margo Channing is spot on, with her famous perfectly written lines, you just can't help but love this jealous, uppity character for all her faults.  It's just an intriguing movie of how manipulative people can be.

2. The Bad Seed (1956)
Why I love it?
      "For little Rhoda, murder is child's play." -IMDB
     Another movie where the acting is just so good it's scary, literally.  This movie gives me the chills every time I see it.  Be ready to be thoroughly creeped the fuck out!   What makes this movie so great is what they don't show, they leave just enough up to the imagination.  The piano scene is the most frightening disturbing scene I've ever watched.. ughhh.  Eileen Heckar deserves an oscar for her role as the mourning mother looking for answers, she is only in about 5 minutes of the movie but she always manages to make me cry..

3. The Diary of Anne Frank (1959)
Why I love it?
      You all know the harrowing story of the Frank's families attempt at escaping the Nazi regime.  Last year I visited the actual attic where they stayed, this film was the only one allowed to film on location..   I can't help but get sucked into the Anne Peter relationship, their encounter on the rooftop is one of the most romantic cinematic moments ever depicted on the silver screen. 

4. The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945)
Why I love it?
      "His life was a muddy morass into which he dragged all who knew him! Such was Dorian Gray, the man who wanted eternal youth, and bartered his soul to get it!" -IMDB
     The summer between my sophomore and junior year I could definitely be found sitting in the hallway totally engrossed by this novel.  The movie is a great depiction of the book.  Hurd Hatfield plays Dorian, and truth be told the remake looks like crap compared to the original.. although I might go to stare at Ben Barnes for two hours.. my god.

5. In the Good Old Summertime (1949)
Why I love it?
      "It's turn of the century America when Andrew and Veronica first meet - by crashing into each other.  They develop an instant and mutual dislike." -IMDB
     You may figure out that this is what You've Got Mail was based on, except wayyy better.  Judy Garland and Van Johnson hatred for each other really makes this movie.  Judy Garland shines as always, she has a voice no one can compare to.  The physical comedy is spot on thanks to Buster Keaton who actually has a speaking role as well.. I have a soft spot for movies where people who hate each other fall in love. 

6.  Mr. Smith goes to Washington (1939)
Why I love it?
     "A naive man is appointed to fill a vacancy in the US Senate. His plans promptly collide with political corruption, but he doesn't back down." -IMDB
    I vividly remember watching this movie in fifth grade.  Jimmy Stuart may possibly have been one of my first movie star crushes.  His conviction in this movie totally inspired me to never give up hope.  I'm sure my mom had to hear allll about it when I got home, I remember talking about it for like an hour at dinner.  I was a weird kid.. 

7.  East of Eden (1955)
Why I love it?
      "Of what a girl did . . . what a boy did ... of ecstasy and revenge!' - IMDB
      Another movie based on a book, but a great one.  This was one of the only three movies that James Dean starred in but it's easy to see why his star shown so brightly.  He is heart wrenching in this movie, just brilliant. 

8.  Vertigo (1958)
Why I love it?
     "John "Scottie" Ferguson is a retired San Francisco police detective who suffers from acrophobia and Madeleine is the lady who leads him to high places." -IMDB
      I had to include at least one Hitchcock film.  This being one of my favorite, a close tie with Strangers on a Train.. Another great performance by Jimmy Stewart.  This movie grabs you and doesn't let go.  Twists, turns, and suspense. 

9.  Gone with the Wind (1939)
Why I love it?
      "American classic in which a manipulative woman and a roguish man carry on a turbulent love affair in the American south during the Civil War and Reconstruction." -IMDB
     I remember my roommate my freshman year who could barely sit through an hour movie forced me to watch this one.  I think I watched it over a few days in between classes but it was so worth it.  It's a classic for sure but there's a reason.  It's simply amazing.  If anyone kissed me like Rhett Butler.. hooo boyyyy.

10. Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)
Why I love it?
     " A cast of favorites in the Charming . . . Romantic . . . Tuneful Love Story of the Early 1900s" -IMDB
     This one has a special place in my heart.  I watch it with my family around Christmas every year but it's great.  I love the little sister "Tootie" who says all of her dolls have various incurable illnesses and buries them in the backyard.  Plus there is a character named Rose :P  The love story between the next door neighbors is the cutest thing you'll ever see, wah wah wah.. I love it!

Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.

It's official.


I am an insomniac.

 

Empire State of Mind

Just got my tickets to the Empire State Building
Just got my tickets to the Statue of Libery.
Just found out there is going to be a Tim Burton Exhibit at the MOMA.
Just started counting down the days.
Just realized that I need to go to sleep :D

No kids. No rules. No regulations.

Waiting to Export.


Your frontal lobes will shrink
While calcium collects
in your hips
in your hands
in your head
Your Kidneys start to fail
so they hook you up
to a beeping, ticking
pleading machine
that pumps your entire being
out

as you wait to export
and your blood pressure rises
mind wanders
arthritis of the soul
a crush of hopes and bones
a loss of dreams and platelets
a rusty automotive
being
breathing
weezing

genetic conundrum
it's the cards you were dealt
..kind of
twinges of regret
tickle as they push back
amino acid reflux
protein shake of life
waiting as they import
your own self back
in


Just thinking about growing old.  My parents.  My genes.. My friend's parents.. this is why.  This is why I am how I am.  Can I be responsible later?  When my knees start to buckle?  And my neck starts to ache?

P.S.  This is by far one of my all time favorite songs from Regina..
I've been listening to it all day :)

The answer is this, No. No I don't.

I stumbled into my house at 6. Turned on some Jimi Hendrix, turned off my light, and dragged my feet toward my bed. I love my bed. It's so comfortable. It smells like me, mix of my perfume, lilac febreez, and just my smell. I'm weird like that. I find certain peoples' smells attractive. I slumped into my sheets even though my phone kept going off.. leave it to my luck to have everyone calling me when all I want to do is sink away into the blankets and pillows that keep me from the real world. I had such an odd dream. The answer is "No. No I don't. But I wish that I could." So there, I had to get it out there cause someone kept asking me a question and I felt it imperative to somehow get it out into the universe. I hazily awoke and got stuck at home the rest of the night.. I shouldn't be left to my own devices hahaha. I grabbed my Rosarito Mexican blanket. It makes me proud, it has roses on it and I haggled it down to twenty dollars, which is what I told everyone I would do. I smuggled firecrackers back inside it, we threw them at the guard at Elfin Forest.. ahhh to be 18. But I digress. Bundled up in my blanket I scooted down the hall and into the living room, where I spent the rest of the evening watching "The Good Old Summertime" ohhh Van Johnson... I am such a sucker for old romantic movies.. Now it's time to sink back into those sheets and mingle myself into my beautiful amazing bed with skull sheets. Listening to Stars Fell on Alabama makes me happy to just be here now. Life is good but I think I shall duck out for the weekend, turn my phone off, and drive out of SD. I know just the place, it's nice to have places to escape to. So I'm going to miss a few get togethers, oh well, time for a mini vaca before my mini vaca to NYC. Also, I just think it's rather fantastic that I will be going to Madrid next summer. High fives all around for having free places to stay! My sister is studying out there and I get to go party in my HOMELAND! Viva la Spaniards! Time to learn my Spanish and start researching, I want to find some long lost familia! And then Peru in 11'.. Traveling.. I can't quit you, thus I am broke. But nothing can replace the experience of getting so drunk in London that you hobble back to your hotel after one huge beer, no sleep, jet lag, and pass out your first night at like 8pm London time only to wake up at like 3am wondering where the hell you are. Just the different people out there, the way of life! Pura Vida! Costa Rica was awesome too. I wonder if the Spaniards will be fun? Se la vie. We shall see!!!

PS. Examples below of WHY I should not be left at home alone with nothing to do ever again:

 

Faint white figures paint my sleep.

My subconscious is a jerk.  I wish I could tell people the dreams I have about them.
I think though, going up to someone I don't know very well and being like, "Hey, I had a dream that we were drinking rootbeer floats in a Chem lab last night!" might just be crossing a line of some sorts.  Or my recent favorite is dreaming about someone telling me they considered going to my house and slapping me as hard as they could, but that was one of three options.

It's funny to me how I sort things out and relay them, a few weeks ago I was bashing in windows and display cases with someone I was very angry with.  We didn't speak a word to each other, just grabbed some bats and went to town.  Last night I was floating through the ocean and trying to escape a whale shark?  I've been having a shit ton of water dreams lately and I really don't know why..  Once I had a dream that we were in the Apocalypse and I was riding around in a jeep through Escondido looking for a good pair of ass kicking boots the entire time.  I think a dream that sticks with me the most though is the one about this scary man who made everyone get on a conveyor belt that fed you to a cardboard monster that looked eerily like my garage.. I wrote a poem about it.  I need to do that more often.  Still, one of my most favorite poems I ever wrote.

Cardboard Monster

Conveyor belt pulls

the children of the town

When a small square man

From a small scared town

With his slick black hair

And his nice black suit

Curls his boot black mustache

plants his foot in root

Calls the children of the town

wipes his round round glasses

with the thick black frames

feels like old molasses

If you run

If you hide

He will find you

Bide the tide

He will put you on the belt

till your face starts to melt

there's a monster there for you

shaped like a big garage

with big cardboard eyes

he's a false cardboard god

he chomps on your legs

he swallows you down

you're a victim now

of a small scared town

then the man starts to laugh

as your sucked into the dark

and a murmur starts to breed

in your dark dark heart

2009 A Retrospective.

I stole these questions from a skate interview.. but I liked them.

5 Best Trips

1.  I went to Santa Cruz/ SF three times this year.. each time got exponentially crazier. 

2.  Meeting Jeff, Judy, and Viv in Santa Barbara.  We drove around looking for midget homes and played rock band all weekend. 

3.  Coachella 08'  We came.  we camped.  we conquered. 

4.  Vegas in November for the Holiday party/event.  Rancid live, free food, and my own amazing room at the Wynn.  I also watched the sunrise one night.  It was quite beautiful. 

5.  Taking a boat in the middle of the rain forest for an hour to a small island in Costa Rica.. there really is nothing like it.  The country was beautiful.  Filled with amazing wild life, beaches, and volcanoes.   Went to a hot springs and went down a water slide that would never be legal in the US, zip lined through the jungle, and white water rafted. 

5 Best Reasons To Lose Weight

1.  Because I need less weight on my knees to run the marathon.

2.  So I can make it through a hike through the jungle to a waterfall without having to stop every five minutes.

3.  So I can eat my weight in candy, beer, and food on various holidays/trips and not feel bad :P

4.  Love handles unfortunately don't make finding love easier. 

5.  NYC New Years.. gotta look good under all those layers.

5 Best Celebrity Encounters

1.  News spread like wildfire that Rob Halford was gonna be in the office.. my co worker and I didn't take our lunches until after he was here.. we made sure to wait for him in the lobby and get pictures, he was really nice and smelled so good.  

2.  Meeting that little kid from Role Models who is so funny and so bad ass. 

3.  Randomly ran into Travis from Gym Class Heroes in the VIP section of a club for my friends bachelorette party, I think I drunkenly told him how much I loved them when I saw them years ago when there was like 5 people at their show and I knew they'd hit it big.  Then someone asked us to leave him alone..

4.  Does taking a picture of my coworker and Lars from Rancid count? 

5.  Finally went up to Big Black at an event and got his pic.  I told him we would be on the next cover of the good friends cereal box.  I wonder how much their sales have gone up since the show?

5 Best Reasons To Stay Fat

1.  Cause food is so goddamn good!

2.  Real women have curves.

3.  So I can list myself as BBW (Big Beautiful Women) or the one I made up FAF (Fat And Fabulous) on all the craigslist ads. 

4.  Who needs love WHEN they have love handles :P

5.  Again, so I can eat my weight in candy, beer, and food and not feel guilty.  

5 Best Pick Me-Ups

1.  Cookie cake pie.  You make me that, you make my day.

2.  Planning a trip to somewhere at sometime. 

3.  Watching a really really really good movie.

4.  Seeing a band live.  Me loves it :)

5.  Currently new obsession?  Playing the piano, totally makes me feel good no matter what.

5 Best Ways To Apologize

1.  Honestly, just getting an apology would be nice.. but alas, that probably will never happen.

2.  Writing a letter and leaving it on someones car.

3.  Saying sorry then running away while you cry loudly.

4.  Slapping someone as hard as you can and then when they say, "WHY'D YOU DO THAT?"  you say, "to apologize.. I'm sorry"

5.  Best way to apologize is to mean it though.  Or else it's not worth your time. 

 

5 Best Flavored Liquers

1.  Sweet Tea Vodka.. sweet jesus it's good.

2.  Peppermint schnapps in hot cocoa.. specially amazing for meteor showers.

3.  Vanilla vodka? 

4.  Does amaretto count?

5.  Whatever I like beer.. *cough brown nut ale at stone cough*

5 Best Songs

1.  Flavors - Jack Conte

2.  Retrograde - Jemina Pearl 

3.  Those to Come  - The Shins

4.  We Used to Vacation - Cold War Kids

5.  I Am Not A Robot - Marina & The Diamonds

 

5 Best Moments of 2009

1.  Probably about 10 seconds before I finished my marathon.  I was trying to smile for the cameras but inside I was bawling like a baby so I kept frowning and smiling and frowning again and trying soooo hard to look happy in my picture without crying cause I couldn't believe I had done it.

 

2.  Standing on some steps in the middle of the rain forest, after swimming in the most amazing waterfall ever, while it was pouring rain, and just listening to the sound of nothing really.  No cars, computer hums, or complaints.  Pretty epic.

3.  Creating a drink with Jeff called "heavy flow" and intricately describing everything about the drinks to everyone who was there that night.  Next time less grenadine Jeff.  Maybe we should rename it "light flow".

4.  The day before Vegas.  I was so excited for the trip and we were blasting Morrissey.  Ang and I were talking in the office and she was telling me a story about what one of my co workers said about me.  I fell on the floor crying I was laughing so hard.  In Vegas I mentioned it to him and he got totally butt hurt about me finding out.. really though, I was totally flattered. Actually Vegas was pretty funny, we have some amazing sayings from that weekend.  BULLDOG ahahahahah

5.  November 1st.  It was a best moment by default. 

24th B-day.. 

Give up the Ghost

I feel like I'm being mind fucked right now.


Seriously.

Seriously.. I want things to be simple again.  I miss the summer.  I miss it so much.  I miss driving home in the light, I miss the beach, I miss the freedom I had.

Besides being royally f-ed with.  Tonight was fun, BR night always is.  Best part was going to drop Joe off and him saying, want to see something crazy in ten seconds and then when we get to his house it's like SDG&E's wet dream.. hahah Christmas lights GALORE.  SO random.  I may or may have not bought the hat below at Ross but with black fur.  Peppermint mocha was a good idea.  It's getting cold.  And already my plans have filled up for the entire month now.  Parties every weekend till xmas, Disneyland perhaps?  A visit to my dads?  The symphony on Friday.. Karaoke.  Oh December, I welcome thee with open arms!

A lil' Drunk Bloggin :D

So yeah.  In the face of adversity.  Life is good.

I read once that people who win the lottery, their lives will change for about six months, then go back to the normal lives they basically had.  If they were drunks, they continued to drink, if depressed, they slipped back into that depression, if they were happy go lucky, they fell back into their awesome groove.  Basically a big change in their lives really didn't alter it all that much..  something to chew on I guess.


I've been enjoying my four day weekend and spending a lot of time with my family since my sister will be in the Caribbean for most of Christmas break and we've been having a blast together.  Today we drove around and blasted old school Elton John and ran errands and tonight we put on fucking Bing Crosby, cooked up a storm and invited my grandma over for dinner.  My mom made amazing turkey soup in our crock pot and Dawn and I whipped up the best mac & cheese of my life.  We had that and some redunk fruit salad.  Afterwords we watched Meet Me in St. Louis... if you haven't seen that movie I'd highly advise it.. seriously SO GOOD.  It was so nice to just actually spend time with the family tonight, and on Thanksgiving.  Yesterday Dawn and I went and watched a ton of awesome bands too, which was great.  I dunno what I'm trying to say anymore.  I guess that I'm in a great mood and wanted to share it.  I think that even when things get rough I'm proud of myself for my ability to laugh and keep going.  All I have to do is pop in Hercules and sing along hahahah.  Tomorrow will mark the 30 day countdown until NYC and I'm SOOOOOOOOOO very excited to get to spend New Years in time square!  Dude, in retrospect 2009 has been one of the greatest years of my life!  I've traveled to San Francisco three times, Costa Rica, Santa Cruz, Vegas, LA, and now New York.. I trained and ran a full marathon, that's 26.2 miles.  I laughed, I lost, I won, I cried, I was in two articles in the paper.. so fuck the petty things.  I knew this year was going to be spectacular, I knew it even as I sat there miserable and sick as the clock struck midnight,  and it was, it was everything I could ask for and more.  I can only hope that 2010 lives up to it's predecessor.  Alright enough of this parrot bay and Dr. Pepper rambling, I'm watching the end of Eternal Sunshine and going to bed. :P

Zeze the X

Things that make me happy:

learning to play the piano
drive in car washes
mac & cheese
laying on my floor
music that matches your mood
tasty real beer
running down hills
Thursdays
strange films
a comfy bed
dancing in my room
writing letters
board games
seeing a band you love love love live
hot caramel apple cider
inside jokes
big words
making strange scenarios up
my sisters
taking that first step into a new place
pie
reminiscing
weird intelligent people
night hikes
tiny disco balls
genuine smiles
bike rides through the city
random awkward funny things
learning something new
pineapple pizza parties
twisted novels
laughter

and that's.
that's what I'm thankful for.

Happy Shanks Giving.

Star light. Star bright.

I don't know if it's the lack of sleep.. or that I ended up watching another sunrise, but I'm not feeling so good.
Mind or body.

I think I just need some real sleep and I'll feel better but I definitely have that dragging my feet in the sand mentality today. I guess laying on the pavement yesterday looking up at the stars got me thinking about a lot and I was having a total mind warp. Those moments when you start to close in on the borders of what you can and cannot fathom.. I felt like a magnet stuck on the refrigerator of Earth looking out into infinity. I didn't see as much as I wanted but I did catch a handful of quite amazing shooting stars, they were vibrant with purples and blues and I had an amazing view of the entire city. It was a really reflective evening.. so maybe that's why I'm feeling so blegh this morning, self confidence never comes easy for me. Man, I feel like all I do is bitch. In all honesty it's fun to bitch every once in a while but I'm a pretty happy go lucky person for the most part :) Actually I find a lot of the troubles in my life quite hilarious, even some awkward moments from last night were making me laugh. I was SO tired this morning and SO grumpy but I woke up laughing and cracking jokes about tying my tent to my car and having my friend drive me down the mountain in it. Also, I now know that I will totally survive the (zombie??) apocalypse. I showed my new tent who is boss and I showed the fire who is boss too, yay girl scouts I can camp! We made some amazing hot cocoa with peppermint schnapps, it tasted like Christmas.

Maybe this day will get better as it progresses? There's always room for things to get interesting.

Spamwich

I'm starting to wonder if the universe is misinterpreting my thoughts right now.
It's like being hungry and wishing you had food and then someone shows up at your door with a spam sandwich and hot Dr. Pepper.


It's food, but it's definitely not what you had in mind.

It WOULD be that way.

Man I must have fallen into a vat of bad luck shit fuck double puddle of crap.






Hah. That sounded like touretts.
I don't even want to go into why or how my morning went so udderly array. If I hadn't been itching to go out Sunday night and put my jacket on, I wouldn't have put my keys in the pocket of said jacket. And I most definitely wouldn't have run out of the house with my purse with no keys while slamming the door behind me this morning. And on this lovely HOT ass day in November I would most definitely not try to break back into my house to no avail since every door was locked and every window sealed. Even better was the part where everyone I knew to call was at work or couldn't. My own grandma couldn't even pick me up since she was working at the senior center.. I had to call in sick and walk to her house and wallow in my own shame.. Some creepo on the road offered to give me a ride I was like NO THANK YOU but a tiny little part of me almost wanted to say fuck it take me to work!!! I'd rather not be dead or stabbed on the side of the road though. But I'd also rather not be a complete and total idiot who forgets about her keys and ends up walking the streets of Esco in a long sleeved shirt.

Fuck not having a car. It sucks. I was not happy camper. I wanted to curse the gods, I'm guessing something AMAZING must be right around the corner because shit has hit the fan MORE than three times. Penance is due bitches. Why do these thing happen to me?!?!?!

Maybe the 70's themed black light party on Friday will be the place were it all turns around haha. Or the Raveonette's on Thursday? Perhaps the Jazz Festival this weekend. I'm glad I didn't gamble in Vegas, I bet that would have turned bad too.

Dearest Karma,
You can kiss my butt, I'm gonna have a GREAT November starting TODAY. I am going to wake up extra early, take an long shower and look fabulous at work. Then I'm going to have the funnest wildest craziest night ever somehow and I'm going to find five dollars in a parking lot, be promoted, and win the lottery. After that I'm going to get golden grillz a low rider and gang bang around Escondido. The end.

Sincerely,
Forever yours,
With kindest regards for the future,

Rosebud.

I'm destroying my body. I'm destroying my mind.

But aren't we all? It sure is fun. Used the late late drive home to slowly piece together the last few days. I can't believe I am awake right now, but considering I didn't fall asleep until 9am on November 1st I think it's fair to say my sleeping pattern is, well, a bit off.

Landed Friday and ran out to meet with Angela's friend Geoff, who arrived in style in a beater of a white Toyota truck and a Nordic looking hat. He pulled over and hopped out of the car, handed the keys to Angela and said (well more like yelled) "Change of plans!! You guys gotta drive, I'm catching a flight." Then he rips off his pants and shirt to reveal a tiny pink and green like sky diver suit and puts on some snow boarding glasses and yells, "I'm jumping baby! I'm jumpingggg!!!!" I was laughing my ass off by this point and everyone was staring at us. He made some joke about the cops heading our way so we squeezed in the car and put put putted our way into the city. We dropped our stuff at Galen's and then hit the streets for some Mexican food and beer. Got some more drinks and totally forgot that I had that Valium before the flight. I ended up falling asleep in various places in the bar until we finally took off. Woke up at 9am for some unknown reason, had a great chat with Galen and then headed to the Pork Shop for some ridiculously great turkey sandwiches. Headed to the hangar and stood at amazement at what we had in store for later that night, paper mache seagulls hung from the ceiling, a gigantic mermaid, giant whale skeleton, and of course the cardboard ghost ship which covered the dodoacyplse bus. Not to mention two different rooms to dance, various bars, and a light house. Outside was some gigantic rock-em sock-em robots and a truck sized lawn flamingo. Also, the diner was set up to sell grilled cheese sandwiches in the back.. Helped clear some stuff up and then headed back to the city to meander, shop, and grab some amazing curry before heading to Tyler's to start the party. After having some fun at Tyler's we all left his house and then made our way to another house party. The rooms all had names on them like make out room and dance party room and it was hella crowded but lots of fun hanging. Ang, Nicole, and I ran to a store then to the muni then to a bus to Treasure Island. The party had just begun and didn't end until the wee hours of the morning and sunrise on a rooftop over looking the city. Spent most of Sunday sleeping and feeling miserable, having an amazing dinner of calamari, crab cakes, and salad. Meandered around some more and then back to the airport. All in all I'm exhausted but I had so much fun. Met some great new people and re met some more great people. Scored some cute clothes and a new mug. But most of all took back some memories that I will look back and laugh about... my costume turned out amazing!! Some great costumes I saw were, balloon boy, Party bot 3000, full with built in ipod and drink dispenser, a guy dressed as a night stand with a lamp shade on his head, when I asked him what he was dressed as he told me he was a one night stand.. so great, saw a whole entire gang dressed in Star Wars garb, The house from up, Able Lincoln, and many more.. pics soon to come I'm sure.

I don't fill these out often.

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Bubble gum. I'm going to have to have a jaw replacement one of these days if I keep chewing this stuff.

2.Where was your profile picture taken?
Venice. Chasing pigeons at the Piazza San Marco. It's against the law to feed them now so I decided to terrorize them instead. I'm going to hell..

3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
Um, not to toot my own horn but I'm pretty amazing at Guitar Hero. It's the reason I got a ps2.

4.Name someone who made you laugh today.
No one has made me like hardcore laugh today yet.. last night I had some good laughs when Darine told me her pepper spray story, I think I thought it was WAY funnier than she did. I shared it with someone else when he showed up, he seemed to think it was just as funny as I did so I'm totally validated.

5.How late did you stay up last night and why?
I went to bed around 1:30ishh my friend invited me out, I tried to leave like three times but no one would let me, fun times though, glad I went, ran into people I hadn't seen in years. Someone joked about not seeing me for another 5 years.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Yes PLEASE. I wouldn't mind moving to downtown San Diego area or up north to Santa Cruz ( I love it there)..

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Nope. But I mean doesn't that kind of take away the whole purpose of watching fireworks?

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
I'm going to be a nerd and say my g-ma, just because I can ride my bike to her house.

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Yeah I do in a ways, probably not like bff status or anything..

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
I could live off diet chocolate cherry dr pepper if I drank soda more.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Really hard? hmmm, actually okay this is so sad, so I haven't had a "my f-ing life" hard cry in a long time but the other week I caught a part of the biggest loser and this one woman lost her husband and kid in a car accident a few years back, she called her mom and told her she went on a hike and these two butterflies were following her the whole time, she got all sad and started cry and I was already walking to my room, like I can't even watch this right now cause I'm going to start bawling.

12. Who took your profile picture?
My sister took it. Thanks Dawn.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
I love this question! Okay think think think.. person I know was I think Judy, Vivian, and Kelsey at camp, but I think I actually took a picture of a couple sitting in the river last.

14. Was yesterday better than today?
Today isn't over yet so I can't really answer that. So far it's comparable.

The purple flannel shirt was a great idea.

As 5 o clock neared on Friday my excitement grew. About 24 hours later I had the realization that I was in the perfect place at the perfect time and this weekend, although a brief escape, was just where I needed to be.

Kelsey and I boarded the train around 7pm on Friday night. We had so many bags, most of which were mine, but I had pillows, sleeping bags, a tent, games.. I literally sat down took a deep breath of relief to be situated and hoped up and headed to the dining car to get some beers. The last meal both of us had was lunch so I felt pretty good. We talked about a lot of stuff, catching each other up on our lives and talking about some pretty deep stuff, New Orleans and Katrina for like 45 minutes.. There was this kid to the right of us writing on a piece of paper, Kelsey found it later and we read it, probably one of the funniest things ever. He talked about all the people around him on the train and was like the people to the right of me are drunk and talking to no end. (That's me and Kelsey) ahahahhah. I want to scan it because it was just TOO funny! When I went down to the cafe car there were a bunch of guys getting drunk so when the cafe attendant made his announcement about coming down to the cafe car they were all screaming in the background. He had such a hard time trying to make the announcement I was dying. Next time I go on a train I'm going right to the dinning car, everyone has a good time down there. So we got to LA with ten minutes to get to our bus. Hustled there with all the bags and then sat on a 2 hour bus ride for 4 hours! OMFG I wanted to die. I still can't find my ipod so I was stuck on a dark bus with really nothing. I can't fall asleep on moving things either so I suffered from major boredom for a good portion of the trip. BIG thanks to Kelsey for sharing her ipod with me and dancing with me.

We ended up in SB after 1am. Me trying to teach Kelsey the time step so we could do some soft shoe for tips on the street. Judy and Viv finally got us and we headed to Viv's to pick up some stuff and then to Jack in the Crack to get some grub, we were starving. We literally laughed the entire way to camp. "I've been burglarized!!" Viv's story was SO great. We arrived at camp after 2am and it was gorgeous. The sky was really dark and we had this cool rock formation right next to camp. I climbed up there and stared at the stars, it was overwhelming almost. I could see the milky way... I haven't seen the milky way in years. We sat by the fire until after 4am and then crawled into bed. I was woken up by the "CEO" of camp telling us to be quiet that night because we were too loud.. Ok. The next night there were kids running around and screaming until like midnight, but us talking wasn't ok? whatever. We had breakfast and headed towards the closest body of water, it was HOT on Saturday. We went for a hike, got totally lost but eventually found our way back to the water which felt electric. It was so warm and I was so overheated that the cool water was inviting yet shocking at the same time. We watched crazy people jump off rocks into the water and I saw a lady with a fake bellybutton.. the water was muddy. Judy played music for us and we saved like 10 lady bugs from drowning. It was so nice and refreshing we stayed there for a while and then headed back for a late lunch. There's something to be said about camp food. It always tastes amazing, even though you know it sucks at home. I don't know if it's the fact that we all made it together, or that we had cold wine, or that we were just starving from hiking and swimming for hours.. after lunch Jenny, Kelz, Viv and I headed to the general store, which is apparently the hopping spot there and then we found this perfect little off shoot of the river and went swimming again and laid in the shade and talked for a while. I wanted a inner tube so bad so I could just laze around out there.. all they had at the store was floaties. We played games and made some grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner. It was nice to just be around nature, not think about anything, and get away for a little while. Sunday was the pack up, hang at Judy's, and walk around downtown SB. We almost missed the train going home though.. which was more eventful than the train coming up. Playing scrabble, running into people who's son we knew and LA Union station's eccentric group of crazies.

Bleg. I've said too much already. But it's not like people want to hear a play by play anyways.
I don't know how to explain times like these. Like those holes everyone has inside them, that they try and fill with things, like drugs, alchohol, relathionships, just outside forces.. like I'm filling those holes with my own experiences. Like I'm filling myself up, making myself a little more complete, my own entity and damn if it doesn't feel that much better..

Excerpt

So when I deleted my myspace I saved all my blogs.. 305 pages of words. letters. bad grammar. and punctuations.

Wow I love reading this stuff though, makes me laugh, and makes me think I liked 18 year old Rose and 19 and 20.. She may have needed some growing to do but man has my life always been this exciting hahah..

Here's some excerpts:

" It's wierd how many little meaningless events can shape and mold your life, today for example, Harry the groundskeeper locked himself out of his little hut and I got to help him, I don't know why but knowing he had a nice cool place all to himself was uplifting for me. I really like Harry because he really dedicates everything to a job many people take for granted. "


"whats the first word that comes to your mind right now?
 CORNER, because today my professor meant to write shoes on the board and she accidentally wrote corner and then was baffled at why she wrote corner instead, me and like one other person were cracking up... it was so random!"


" Word to the wise.. butter fights are not smart, it's not easy to clean up and worse is walking around for another hour with your hair smelling like butter.... but Mr. K's Mini Mart is the place to be, not friday nights though, only on thursdays, after 3pm. "

" Under any circumstances never leave Rose in Santa Monica for 2 hours to kill time.
For one thing she will spend money she shouldn't, for another she will give all her cash to "the children" which is more like the booze and crack fund, and lastly she will follow strange japanese men up a 3 story building to learn what will happen when she dies."


"worried:
It's my stomach in knots

the yellow color of my grandma's kitchen

my ballet slippers waiting so patiently in my bag

that list they taped up three times

standing off stage, that few seconds before you pass into a new dimension

a ticking clock 

the lost and found at the street fair

typing the last few words of a paper

typing the last few words of a paper I hate thats due in ten minutes

I once heard it's as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum

even so, it can be sickening

Now it's stamps, reccomendations

transcripts, tests, the future

a bad taste in my mouth

I need to be Joan of Arc
fighting
against these terrible odds

so even if I don't win

I know it was worth the battle"

" stabbed in the back
so they don't have to look in your eye
beware the ides of march
you didn't listen
but they heard you cry

you sang your sad song of song
eternal rememberance, yet you didn't live long
with slithers and splinters of betrayal and wrong
asking "Et tu Brute'?"
"Et tu Brute'?"

stabbed in the back
so they don't have to look in your eye
beware the ides of march
you didn't listen
but they heard you cry

a land your people would crowd
a palace you built in the cloud
crumbled away while you bowed
screaming "Et tu Brute'?
howling "Et tu Brute'?!"

stabbed in the back
so they don't have to look in your eyes
beware the ides of march
you didn't listen
but they heard your crys"


damn I have a lot of poetry in here..

aight that's enough for now.

Looking at life through a fish eye lens.

Hmmm.

With three m's.

I think it's ironic that fall is finally here and California is trying to be Arizona right now. Dry heat sucks. Looking at more Masters programs.. hmm creative writing?? Thinking about moving to SD next year.. I had too much fun gallivanting around University Heights. We'll see, anything is possible.

Bikram tonight. :) It's SO tough, but literally five minutes after I get outside and get to my car, the whole ride home and subsequently next few days I feel on top of the world. I'll have to pop in the new K.Flay album MASHed potatoes. Actually really fun, yes there can be good rap hip hop songs, her stuff is a great example of this.. so is MC Lars.

I get my fish eye wedding photos tonight finally!! SO EXCITED. We'll see how they turn out, I'm going to bring the camera camping this weekend too, I'm so ready to sit around the mountains with no tv or internets for a few days.. the crew that's meeting up is my all time favorite. We all came together this spring during Coachella and have hung a few other times and it has always been the best few days ever, it's always a mini vaca with them, everyone has a laid back attitute and a great sense of humor, makes a pretty awesome recipe for fun. On my way home I get to take the starliner too, which is like, my life dream! hah. It's kind of stupid how excited I am to go to a dining car and sit down and have a meal on a train. Seriously.

I hear this little wah-wah-wah inside my head...

That's your brain cells popping.

I seriously feel like I'm bursting at the seems.

Perusing other people's lives this morning and I realized that I really have no desire to fit in to the social norms. I just can't rap my head around how people can truly believe with their entire being that what society says makes a good life is the end all and be all. I just feel like it is such a set up for disappointment if things don't go your way. I think in times like these I really feel that, I've seen people hit rock bottom, can't find jobs, messy divorces. I wish I could go back to a time when all this seemed like something I wanted because then I would be happy. Ignorance is bliss as they say. But I can't, I really don't know what I want in life anymore, just not what is expected of me I guess. Wouldn't it be nice if things were simpler? No internet or tv or all these daily distractions and searches for instant gratification. Not like I can lay in a field all day and stare at grass blades and listen to music.. but I mean, it would be nice.


Been reading more articles about how in this century more parts of the world are flooding and will be gone for good and seeing the slow change of what our future may be really knocks the wind out of me.

It's tough to see what we've done to this place. But it's not tough to understand why we did it. Maybe this all stems from the fact that my mom dragged me to church with her on Sunday, I left before Eucharist and I don't think she liked that but I had a headache and I really just needed to get out of there. I'm past the get married make babies and all will happen in life for you plan. I think I'd like to continue to travel the world bit by bit. Invade people's minds bit by bit. And just try to find peace from the things that make me happy, laughing at something funny, spending time with people, music, and of course getting an amazing nights sleep in a comfy bed. Which is what I wish I could do right now, just curl up in some blankets, close my eyes, and drift away.

wa wa wa

I really need to go to sleep.
But after watching the string quartet today I'm totally obsessed with listening to string quartets now. I've bought like ten modern day songs covered by string quartets.

Today was so fun and I need to get to sleep. Art walk, taste of University Heights with my family and lots of music, good music. So many great restaurants! I have a ton I want to go to in SD now..

So many fun things coming up as well, Santa Barbara next weekend! Like five shows next month, Mute Math, Brand New, Daniel Johnston, and Regina again.. Also Halloween in SF. Vegas in November and New York in December.

Now off to fall asleep to the string quartet version of Karma Police.

Aye Carumba.

This morning was.


ROUGH.

My god I need to stay away from karaoke bars. I seriously never felt as shitacular as I did when I woke up today ever before. I muddled through the day. Lunch at the Four Season's pretty much made up for the entire week :) Seriously a fiesta in my mouth, and then a raging after party for dessert.

My sister is mad at me as usual. She leaves tomorrow morning :( I'm going to be so worried about her driving up the entire day.

I finally got to ask my mom about the "floating" incident on Wednesday which was a result of my insomniac ways and sleep deprivation. I passed the hell out at like 8pm and my mom came home and found me in my workout clothes asleep with all my lights on. She said she asked me what I was doing and started laughing, my response? "I'm floating" FLOATING? Is it weird that I love myself for saying that? I love how weird my subconscious is sometimes. My mom laughed and was like, "oh yeah, I'm floating too!" (yes it gets better) I apparently got very upset and scared by her answer and yelled, "don't say that!!!"

I have a lot to do tomorrow and a possible falling out with Dawn to fix.

It's a train wreck, you've got me on the wrong track honey.

Okay, I've been blogging non stop lately, this will be my last one for a while but I have so many thoughts filling up my head I need to empty them somewhere. My real journal is being neglected again so I need to reclaim it, plus I don't have to have a filter there either :o

I stayed up till almost four in the morning so I could finish "Go Ask Alice" more because I started disliking it and want to read something else. Even me, who believed gullible wasn't in the dictionary at one point in my life, started to see the fabrication that novel was. Half way through I looked up the truth to it's validity as a true account of someone's journal. Turns out some Mormon psychologist wrote it... .... .... the ending was just pathetic. I'm past the impressionable teens, I know drugs are bad, I don't need this piece of blatant propaganda. My sister gave me a ton of books to read from her collection but I still have others I want to get to first.

Besides the book review I do have some notes on the vma's, one thing in particular. Lady Gaga's performance. Like I've said before, not a huge fan of the pop scene, I didn't watch the vma's but I did take a moment to check out her performance on youtube. It took me a while to warm up to miss Gaga, but over time her insanely bizarre tactics and disregard for the norm has warn on me. I think she is fantastic in a way because she really doesn't give a shit and does what she wants. When blood started spewing from her stomach in the middle of the performance I was like yes! Now I can definitely pull her off as my Halloween costume. hah.

That's all my social commentation for today. For a while. I don't think many people read this so it's more of a rant for myself. Family game night was fun and filling, we had sopas, belated b-day cake and played pictionary per my request. Probably won't be playing it again.. then we played a couple games of Uno. Walked Buddy, okay got pulled around by Buddy and made some plans to visit my Uncle in SD for a art gallery walk next weekend :) Trying to start my healthy eating today, so far only fruits and veggies, going to Bikram FINALLY tonight and meeting up with Ang for some veggie soup and netflix after. I'm getting more and more excited for Santa Barbara and getting the gang together again, I know I'll be laughing non stop.

Still waiting for things to fall back into place, feels like I've been a bit off lately, not my normally cheery self. Someone told me they were just breathing and not living, in which I replied, stop breathing and start living.. doesn't make much sense, or does it?

Wedding

New band alert, well not new band, but new band I'm getting into. Ambulance LTD. Even better is finding a bunch of their music in my i tunes.

I'm grouchy today. I woke up at 3am exactly, parched and scared and feeling like I was going to puke. Wedding food didn't agree with me. We left early cause my ride had to work, which made me a little sad. I was dancing with this kid named Shane who turned 6 like last week, he was probably the best dance partner ever, he didn't care what anyone thought and was seriously cutting a rug. He was quite the conversationalist and talked to me a lot, although I did have to do a lot of bending to hear him. He told me he was excited for Beatles rock band, I was like you are the coolest 6 year old ever! And we high fived, any 6 year old who knows who the Beatles are gets my vote. It makes me appreciate Rock Band a little more, even though these kids aren't really playing instruments I think at least there is some way these kids are getting exposed to the amazing music of the 60's and 70's that 93.3 refuses to acknowledge. I seriously am not a fan of the "pop" scene at all anymore, it's not about music anymore. It's about selling an image, a toy, or a soda.

I tried to bring all the film into costco but they don't do professional film. great. Walgreens only does glossy too, seriously wtf. The guy totally put me down for taking my pictures back after I wanted matte, he's like oh no one gets matte anymore it's not popular at all. I hate glossy. So I grabbed my film and gave up. Guess it's to Calumet never since they are practically only open the hours I work. I think my favorite part of yesterday was after I would take a picture people would grab the camera and be like ohhhh let me see.. hey where's the viewfinder!? It's film! Remember that? When you had to wait a week before you got to see what it looked like.

I'm so ready for dinner it's not funny. 30 minutes and then off to family game night. I got my closet color coded again so all is right with the world. The only virgo thing about me I think.

Lifespan of a fly.

Trying to get some sleep but it's hard when I keep thinking about this horrible accident Gloria told me about that happened a little over a week ago in Santee. Makes me take a step back and realize yet again how short life is.

Well I better get some sleep, tomorrow is going to be a new day, a brighter day I hope. Thanks again to Gloria and Kelsey for the wonderful kitchen talk, dinner, and wine, congrats on the new place.

Time to slip away to that dreamy place I so often find myself.

Low.

I'm having a hard time with things this week.
I hate being confused and I really hate doing things I regret.
Like battling brick walls with the back of my car. I wasn't very successful.

I feel like I was suppose to be busy but this week all I've done is eat. Good thing I get my gym pass today and I can go to 24 hour fitness and start working out finally. I feel like my legs have atrophied sitting at desk 40 hours a week. I've just been BLAH all week. I'm hoping to manifest a much better week starting tomorrow, I'll let myself drag my feet the rest of the day, tomorrow will be different! Carrie gets married Saturday night and Sunday is family game night, the last one with Dawn in town..

I bought Rummikub last night at Target so I think this FGN is going to kick major ass. I never realized until last night how much I love board games. Well, board games in the right company, if someone's not into it, it's just not fun. But I've had some REALLY memorable nights playing Balderdash until I cry from laughter, if there is any game I say bring to a party it IS that one. Warning: this game requires some creativity and sharp whit. Also, a few drinks can make it even better. Apples to apples is a great one too. Loaded questions is the one my family always plays, cause we just give really weird and sometimes innapropriate answers. Rummikub is my grandpa's favorite game which I discovered visitng him in Sacramento a few years back. He cheats though and saves pieces in his pockets. It's a number's game but it's fun. Risk.. hah, well that's another story, I got frustrated after 45 minutes and started throwing my little men at people.

The only other exciting thing in my life is writing weird facebook messages to JC and reading my friends mind through ichat. Also planning an epic trip to SB in 2 weeks and perhaps SF next month.

toodles.

Apathy releases me.

Yes. It's 9/09/09. Kind of cool, I missed 9:09 this morning but hoping to acknowledge it tonight and also finally get that jalapeno margarita I've been attempting to get since last week.

It's been weird waking up in the morning now that everyone is gone. I keep turning my music down in the morning only to realize that no one is around except Dawn, who could sleep through tornadoes, earthquakes, any natural disaster really. In a week she'll be gone too so it will just be me. So weird. I've been looking at places on craigslist but practically the only way I can afford to live on my own right now would be in some kind of trailer in Fallbrook. How else have I been filling my time lately? Usuing my b-day presents. Reading. I got Go Ask Alice for my birthday, I still don't understand why I like books about self destruction and general f-ed uped-ness. Like Jesus' Son and anything by Augusten Burroughs, basically anything that makes my life seem tame and normal I guess. Only thing is I kind of loose myself in the book and start to feel like the character and I feel the urge to finish the book as quickly as possible just to get out of their head, sometimes it's scary in there. Another thing I got for my birthday was the first season of Arrested Developement. I finished it in like 2 days. I know it's amazing because I can watch it by myself and still laugh. I've already netflixed the second season. I think the fact the episodes are less than 30 minutes makes it that much better for me, I'm not one to like to sit around for a whole hour of television. I'm actually surprised I finished the season because I'm not very good at watching tv shows. The only other ones I've watched non stop are The Office and Sex and the City, both of which I have seen every episode. I have major problems scheduling my life around a certain night and time, doesn't leave much room for spontaneity.


Besides wasting my time in front of the boobtube I'm on this dog kick, I had this dream that I had a dog a few weeks ago and it was life changing, I woke up with the remnants of that, so I've been pondering it, definitely would be nice to have something happy to see me when I get home, that I could take on walks or runs too. We are trying to fix our backyard up and put some concrete in, so perhaps after that I can walk on down to the shelter. Other kick I'm on is a camera kick, I want to get one, a really nice one so I can hang it over my neck and take pictures for days. just trying to figure out what I want..


For now I need to stop wasting my time watching videos like this: Daily dose of cute.

French Bulldog Can't Roll Over - watch more funny videos

True Colors

2 words come to mind at times like these.


Class Act.

That is all.

For the most part, it's alarming.

There is something I like to do when life gets a little nuts.

I discovered it a few months ago when I pulled into a car wash in a hurry to get my car clean cause some relatives were in town and wanted to see my new car. I was playing some fantastic song and I pulled into one of those automotive washes. The sun was just at a point where the light shone through the water, the mix of colored splashes of soap against the windows, the dance of the water spray to the symphony that was playing in my car. It was magical. So last month when things were stressful I went again, I remember I played "Spotlight" by Mute Math and it was in perfect time. This time I chose Madeline Adam's "I do what I'm told". The sun was setting and a leaned back and took it all in. I'm surprised I'm not more exhausted. I'm glad I went to Carrie's party though, I'm glad I spent the entire day today still in my dress and watched Vicky Christina Barcelona and ate fast food and relaxed. I don't even regret picking up the hitch hiker on my way to wash my car and help someone get to the surf before the sun set. But most of all I'm glad that this week is over. What a way to start 24 right? Running around like crazy and getting yelled at..



I found this picture in my phone this morning... I have no idea what it is but it's intriguing.


Well, here's to a better three day weekend I suppose.

Planning for the worst

My sister just poked her head in my room, asked if our cat was in here. I said no and then turned to see Marms perched on my bed like ahahahaha F you! So I guess she was.. and I had no idea.


It was eerie coming home today. I got a text from Kelsosaurus saying exactly what I felt.. so used to seeing her when I get home and Glory and now their all grown up and moving out. Aww I want to cry. And here I am. Here I am.. oh here I am. Tired and 24. There I said it.

Now to force myself to get some sleep.
It's going to be a long day tomorrow.








But I'm hoping for the best.

title you say?

I'm the hero of the story. Don't need to be saved.

It's alright. No one's got it all.


So. How did I spend my last moments? Dancing in my underwear to ace of base. fuck yeah.
I think it's ironic I've gotten more Happy Birthday advertisements like e-mails and discount cards than real ones. I don't need real ones but getting a bunch of fake ones kind of makes me feel bad. What was my first thing to do as a... gulp.. 24 year old? Wash my face. Maybe it will be symbolic some time, some where. I just can't get over the fact that TEN years ago I was a freshman sitting in the nook waiting for my mom to pick me up after cross country practice.


I want some water.

Now I'm a college graduate in my Run DMX shirt with a huge cup of water wondering how the heck I made it this far and if I'll make it another ten years and look back now and be like JESUS.

Jalapeño Margarita you will be mine.

Every story should begin with, and then I got my second wind.

Dawn is home and I have 1 follower! whoopie!

Kelz and I went to Target and found some fabulous shoes. We danced in her car. I don't know what I would do without her. We are just too funny together. Smart and final? Dumb and Temporary! K- Like many of my jobs. R- Like many of my boyfriends. Man she cracks me up! We got some amazing blue shoes and pranced around target for a while. Came home and for some reason I was drained. But now, of course, I have my second wind. Driving back with Dawn was fun though, her stories made me crack up. "Hey Jasmine, look moose poop, and it's REALLY fresh." "Dawn that IS NOT moose poop, it's BEAR poop!!" Then she brought me back a shot glass and the BEST hat. I love that she is my sister, especially because we have had the, "would you be my friend if we weren't related" talk. We wouldn't. Not that it's bad, many people can attest to that. But I'm glad somehow we ended up being related.

Hopefully some fun celebrations tomorrow as well, Kelz and Glo moving to their new place. I am beyond excited for them, expect me to keep a pillow and toothbrush over there. But also a little bummed, the house will be empty again since Dawn moves out in a couple weeks. Then it's only me and my mom here, like it was in the beginning. It's fine, I mean my moms cool, she doesn't get all crazy about where I am or what I do I just feel that it's my time. Don't know why but it is. I'm ready to move on with this part of my life, this room where SO much has happened. It's like I look over and can see scenes of my life float by. With all this talk about friendship (HIGH FIVE) ahem, I actually have this idea I will soon be implementing, ABC's of friends, I try to talk about a good friend from each letter of the alphabet, how we met, what I like about them, and some maybe funny stories of times we shared. So check back in the blogs to come.

Shout out to my newest musician obsession Jaymay. Sea green, See blue. My goodness.