The purple flannel shirt was a great idea.

As 5 o clock neared on Friday my excitement grew. About 24 hours later I had the realization that I was in the perfect place at the perfect time and this weekend, although a brief escape, was just where I needed to be.

Kelsey and I boarded the train around 7pm on Friday night. We had so many bags, most of which were mine, but I had pillows, sleeping bags, a tent, games.. I literally sat down took a deep breath of relief to be situated and hoped up and headed to the dining car to get some beers. The last meal both of us had was lunch so I felt pretty good. We talked about a lot of stuff, catching each other up on our lives and talking about some pretty deep stuff, New Orleans and Katrina for like 45 minutes.. There was this kid to the right of us writing on a piece of paper, Kelsey found it later and we read it, probably one of the funniest things ever. He talked about all the people around him on the train and was like the people to the right of me are drunk and talking to no end. (That's me and Kelsey) ahahahhah. I want to scan it because it was just TOO funny! When I went down to the cafe car there were a bunch of guys getting drunk so when the cafe attendant made his announcement about coming down to the cafe car they were all screaming in the background. He had such a hard time trying to make the announcement I was dying. Next time I go on a train I'm going right to the dinning car, everyone has a good time down there. So we got to LA with ten minutes to get to our bus. Hustled there with all the bags and then sat on a 2 hour bus ride for 4 hours! OMFG I wanted to die. I still can't find my ipod so I was stuck on a dark bus with really nothing. I can't fall asleep on moving things either so I suffered from major boredom for a good portion of the trip. BIG thanks to Kelsey for sharing her ipod with me and dancing with me.

We ended up in SB after 1am. Me trying to teach Kelsey the time step so we could do some soft shoe for tips on the street. Judy and Viv finally got us and we headed to Viv's to pick up some stuff and then to Jack in the Crack to get some grub, we were starving. We literally laughed the entire way to camp. "I've been burglarized!!" Viv's story was SO great. We arrived at camp after 2am and it was gorgeous. The sky was really dark and we had this cool rock formation right next to camp. I climbed up there and stared at the stars, it was overwhelming almost. I could see the milky way... I haven't seen the milky way in years. We sat by the fire until after 4am and then crawled into bed. I was woken up by the "CEO" of camp telling us to be quiet that night because we were too loud.. Ok. The next night there were kids running around and screaming until like midnight, but us talking wasn't ok? whatever. We had breakfast and headed towards the closest body of water, it was HOT on Saturday. We went for a hike, got totally lost but eventually found our way back to the water which felt electric. It was so warm and I was so overheated that the cool water was inviting yet shocking at the same time. We watched crazy people jump off rocks into the water and I saw a lady with a fake bellybutton.. the water was muddy. Judy played music for us and we saved like 10 lady bugs from drowning. It was so nice and refreshing we stayed there for a while and then headed back for a late lunch. There's something to be said about camp food. It always tastes amazing, even though you know it sucks at home. I don't know if it's the fact that we all made it together, or that we had cold wine, or that we were just starving from hiking and swimming for hours.. after lunch Jenny, Kelz, Viv and I headed to the general store, which is apparently the hopping spot there and then we found this perfect little off shoot of the river and went swimming again and laid in the shade and talked for a while. I wanted a inner tube so bad so I could just laze around out there.. all they had at the store was floaties. We played games and made some grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner. It was nice to just be around nature, not think about anything, and get away for a little while. Sunday was the pack up, hang at Judy's, and walk around downtown SB. We almost missed the train going home though.. which was more eventful than the train coming up. Playing scrabble, running into people who's son we knew and LA Union station's eccentric group of crazies.

Bleg. I've said too much already. But it's not like people want to hear a play by play anyways.
I don't know how to explain times like these. Like those holes everyone has inside them, that they try and fill with things, like drugs, alchohol, relathionships, just outside forces.. like I'm filling those holes with my own experiences. Like I'm filling myself up, making myself a little more complete, my own entity and damn if it doesn't feel that much better..

Excerpt

So when I deleted my myspace I saved all my blogs.. 305 pages of words. letters. bad grammar. and punctuations.

Wow I love reading this stuff though, makes me laugh, and makes me think I liked 18 year old Rose and 19 and 20.. She may have needed some growing to do but man has my life always been this exciting hahah..

Here's some excerpts:

" It's wierd how many little meaningless events can shape and mold your life, today for example, Harry the groundskeeper locked himself out of his little hut and I got to help him, I don't know why but knowing he had a nice cool place all to himself was uplifting for me. I really like Harry because he really dedicates everything to a job many people take for granted. "


"whats the first word that comes to your mind right now?
 CORNER, because today my professor meant to write shoes on the board and she accidentally wrote corner and then was baffled at why she wrote corner instead, me and like one other person were cracking up... it was so random!"


" Word to the wise.. butter fights are not smart, it's not easy to clean up and worse is walking around for another hour with your hair smelling like butter.... but Mr. K's Mini Mart is the place to be, not friday nights though, only on thursdays, after 3pm. "

" Under any circumstances never leave Rose in Santa Monica for 2 hours to kill time.
For one thing she will spend money she shouldn't, for another she will give all her cash to "the children" which is more like the booze and crack fund, and lastly she will follow strange japanese men up a 3 story building to learn what will happen when she dies."


"worried:
It's my stomach in knots

the yellow color of my grandma's kitchen

my ballet slippers waiting so patiently in my bag

that list they taped up three times

standing off stage, that few seconds before you pass into a new dimension

a ticking clock 

the lost and found at the street fair

typing the last few words of a paper

typing the last few words of a paper I hate thats due in ten minutes

I once heard it's as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum

even so, it can be sickening

Now it's stamps, reccomendations

transcripts, tests, the future

a bad taste in my mouth

I need to be Joan of Arc
fighting
against these terrible odds

so even if I don't win

I know it was worth the battle"

" stabbed in the back
so they don't have to look in your eye
beware the ides of march
you didn't listen
but they heard you cry

you sang your sad song of song
eternal rememberance, yet you didn't live long
with slithers and splinters of betrayal and wrong
asking "Et tu Brute'?"
"Et tu Brute'?"

stabbed in the back
so they don't have to look in your eye
beware the ides of march
you didn't listen
but they heard you cry

a land your people would crowd
a palace you built in the cloud
crumbled away while you bowed
screaming "Et tu Brute'?
howling "Et tu Brute'?!"

stabbed in the back
so they don't have to look in your eyes
beware the ides of march
you didn't listen
but they heard your crys"


damn I have a lot of poetry in here..

aight that's enough for now.

Looking at life through a fish eye lens.

Hmmm.

With three m's.

I think it's ironic that fall is finally here and California is trying to be Arizona right now. Dry heat sucks. Looking at more Masters programs.. hmm creative writing?? Thinking about moving to SD next year.. I had too much fun gallivanting around University Heights. We'll see, anything is possible.

Bikram tonight. :) It's SO tough, but literally five minutes after I get outside and get to my car, the whole ride home and subsequently next few days I feel on top of the world. I'll have to pop in the new K.Flay album MASHed potatoes. Actually really fun, yes there can be good rap hip hop songs, her stuff is a great example of this.. so is MC Lars.

I get my fish eye wedding photos tonight finally!! SO EXCITED. We'll see how they turn out, I'm going to bring the camera camping this weekend too, I'm so ready to sit around the mountains with no tv or internets for a few days.. the crew that's meeting up is my all time favorite. We all came together this spring during Coachella and have hung a few other times and it has always been the best few days ever, it's always a mini vaca with them, everyone has a laid back attitute and a great sense of humor, makes a pretty awesome recipe for fun. On my way home I get to take the starliner too, which is like, my life dream! hah. It's kind of stupid how excited I am to go to a dining car and sit down and have a meal on a train. Seriously.

I hear this little wah-wah-wah inside my head...

That's your brain cells popping.

I seriously feel like I'm bursting at the seems.

Perusing other people's lives this morning and I realized that I really have no desire to fit in to the social norms. I just can't rap my head around how people can truly believe with their entire being that what society says makes a good life is the end all and be all. I just feel like it is such a set up for disappointment if things don't go your way. I think in times like these I really feel that, I've seen people hit rock bottom, can't find jobs, messy divorces. I wish I could go back to a time when all this seemed like something I wanted because then I would be happy. Ignorance is bliss as they say. But I can't, I really don't know what I want in life anymore, just not what is expected of me I guess. Wouldn't it be nice if things were simpler? No internet or tv or all these daily distractions and searches for instant gratification. Not like I can lay in a field all day and stare at grass blades and listen to music.. but I mean, it would be nice.


Been reading more articles about how in this century more parts of the world are flooding and will be gone for good and seeing the slow change of what our future may be really knocks the wind out of me.

It's tough to see what we've done to this place. But it's not tough to understand why we did it. Maybe this all stems from the fact that my mom dragged me to church with her on Sunday, I left before Eucharist and I don't think she liked that but I had a headache and I really just needed to get out of there. I'm past the get married make babies and all will happen in life for you plan. I think I'd like to continue to travel the world bit by bit. Invade people's minds bit by bit. And just try to find peace from the things that make me happy, laughing at something funny, spending time with people, music, and of course getting an amazing nights sleep in a comfy bed. Which is what I wish I could do right now, just curl up in some blankets, close my eyes, and drift away.

wa wa wa

I really need to go to sleep.
But after watching the string quartet today I'm totally obsessed with listening to string quartets now. I've bought like ten modern day songs covered by string quartets.

Today was so fun and I need to get to sleep. Art walk, taste of University Heights with my family and lots of music, good music. So many great restaurants! I have a ton I want to go to in SD now..

So many fun things coming up as well, Santa Barbara next weekend! Like five shows next month, Mute Math, Brand New, Daniel Johnston, and Regina again.. Also Halloween in SF. Vegas in November and New York in December.

Now off to fall asleep to the string quartet version of Karma Police.

Aye Carumba.

This morning was.


ROUGH.

My god I need to stay away from karaoke bars. I seriously never felt as shitacular as I did when I woke up today ever before. I muddled through the day. Lunch at the Four Season's pretty much made up for the entire week :) Seriously a fiesta in my mouth, and then a raging after party for dessert.

My sister is mad at me as usual. She leaves tomorrow morning :( I'm going to be so worried about her driving up the entire day.

I finally got to ask my mom about the "floating" incident on Wednesday which was a result of my insomniac ways and sleep deprivation. I passed the hell out at like 8pm and my mom came home and found me in my workout clothes asleep with all my lights on. She said she asked me what I was doing and started laughing, my response? "I'm floating" FLOATING? Is it weird that I love myself for saying that? I love how weird my subconscious is sometimes. My mom laughed and was like, "oh yeah, I'm floating too!" (yes it gets better) I apparently got very upset and scared by her answer and yelled, "don't say that!!!"

I have a lot to do tomorrow and a possible falling out with Dawn to fix.

It's a train wreck, you've got me on the wrong track honey.

Okay, I've been blogging non stop lately, this will be my last one for a while but I have so many thoughts filling up my head I need to empty them somewhere. My real journal is being neglected again so I need to reclaim it, plus I don't have to have a filter there either :o

I stayed up till almost four in the morning so I could finish "Go Ask Alice" more because I started disliking it and want to read something else. Even me, who believed gullible wasn't in the dictionary at one point in my life, started to see the fabrication that novel was. Half way through I looked up the truth to it's validity as a true account of someone's journal. Turns out some Mormon psychologist wrote it... .... .... the ending was just pathetic. I'm past the impressionable teens, I know drugs are bad, I don't need this piece of blatant propaganda. My sister gave me a ton of books to read from her collection but I still have others I want to get to first.

Besides the book review I do have some notes on the vma's, one thing in particular. Lady Gaga's performance. Like I've said before, not a huge fan of the pop scene, I didn't watch the vma's but I did take a moment to check out her performance on youtube. It took me a while to warm up to miss Gaga, but over time her insanely bizarre tactics and disregard for the norm has warn on me. I think she is fantastic in a way because she really doesn't give a shit and does what she wants. When blood started spewing from her stomach in the middle of the performance I was like yes! Now I can definitely pull her off as my Halloween costume. hah.

That's all my social commentation for today. For a while. I don't think many people read this so it's more of a rant for myself. Family game night was fun and filling, we had sopas, belated b-day cake and played pictionary per my request. Probably won't be playing it again.. then we played a couple games of Uno. Walked Buddy, okay got pulled around by Buddy and made some plans to visit my Uncle in SD for a art gallery walk next weekend :) Trying to start my healthy eating today, so far only fruits and veggies, going to Bikram FINALLY tonight and meeting up with Ang for some veggie soup and netflix after. I'm getting more and more excited for Santa Barbara and getting the gang together again, I know I'll be laughing non stop.

Still waiting for things to fall back into place, feels like I've been a bit off lately, not my normally cheery self. Someone told me they were just breathing and not living, in which I replied, stop breathing and start living.. doesn't make much sense, or does it?

Wedding

New band alert, well not new band, but new band I'm getting into. Ambulance LTD. Even better is finding a bunch of their music in my i tunes.

I'm grouchy today. I woke up at 3am exactly, parched and scared and feeling like I was going to puke. Wedding food didn't agree with me. We left early cause my ride had to work, which made me a little sad. I was dancing with this kid named Shane who turned 6 like last week, he was probably the best dance partner ever, he didn't care what anyone thought and was seriously cutting a rug. He was quite the conversationalist and talked to me a lot, although I did have to do a lot of bending to hear him. He told me he was excited for Beatles rock band, I was like you are the coolest 6 year old ever! And we high fived, any 6 year old who knows who the Beatles are gets my vote. It makes me appreciate Rock Band a little more, even though these kids aren't really playing instruments I think at least there is some way these kids are getting exposed to the amazing music of the 60's and 70's that 93.3 refuses to acknowledge. I seriously am not a fan of the "pop" scene at all anymore, it's not about music anymore. It's about selling an image, a toy, or a soda.

I tried to bring all the film into costco but they don't do professional film. great. Walgreens only does glossy too, seriously wtf. The guy totally put me down for taking my pictures back after I wanted matte, he's like oh no one gets matte anymore it's not popular at all. I hate glossy. So I grabbed my film and gave up. Guess it's to Calumet never since they are practically only open the hours I work. I think my favorite part of yesterday was after I would take a picture people would grab the camera and be like ohhhh let me see.. hey where's the viewfinder!? It's film! Remember that? When you had to wait a week before you got to see what it looked like.

I'm so ready for dinner it's not funny. 30 minutes and then off to family game night. I got my closet color coded again so all is right with the world. The only virgo thing about me I think.

Lifespan of a fly.

Trying to get some sleep but it's hard when I keep thinking about this horrible accident Gloria told me about that happened a little over a week ago in Santee. Makes me take a step back and realize yet again how short life is.

Well I better get some sleep, tomorrow is going to be a new day, a brighter day I hope. Thanks again to Gloria and Kelsey for the wonderful kitchen talk, dinner, and wine, congrats on the new place.

Time to slip away to that dreamy place I so often find myself.

Low.

I'm having a hard time with things this week.
I hate being confused and I really hate doing things I regret.
Like battling brick walls with the back of my car. I wasn't very successful.

I feel like I was suppose to be busy but this week all I've done is eat. Good thing I get my gym pass today and I can go to 24 hour fitness and start working out finally. I feel like my legs have atrophied sitting at desk 40 hours a week. I've just been BLAH all week. I'm hoping to manifest a much better week starting tomorrow, I'll let myself drag my feet the rest of the day, tomorrow will be different! Carrie gets married Saturday night and Sunday is family game night, the last one with Dawn in town..

I bought Rummikub last night at Target so I think this FGN is going to kick major ass. I never realized until last night how much I love board games. Well, board games in the right company, if someone's not into it, it's just not fun. But I've had some REALLY memorable nights playing Balderdash until I cry from laughter, if there is any game I say bring to a party it IS that one. Warning: this game requires some creativity and sharp whit. Also, a few drinks can make it even better. Apples to apples is a great one too. Loaded questions is the one my family always plays, cause we just give really weird and sometimes innapropriate answers. Rummikub is my grandpa's favorite game which I discovered visitng him in Sacramento a few years back. He cheats though and saves pieces in his pockets. It's a number's game but it's fun. Risk.. hah, well that's another story, I got frustrated after 45 minutes and started throwing my little men at people.

The only other exciting thing in my life is writing weird facebook messages to JC and reading my friends mind through ichat. Also planning an epic trip to SB in 2 weeks and perhaps SF next month.

toodles.

Apathy releases me.

Yes. It's 9/09/09. Kind of cool, I missed 9:09 this morning but hoping to acknowledge it tonight and also finally get that jalapeno margarita I've been attempting to get since last week.

It's been weird waking up in the morning now that everyone is gone. I keep turning my music down in the morning only to realize that no one is around except Dawn, who could sleep through tornadoes, earthquakes, any natural disaster really. In a week she'll be gone too so it will just be me. So weird. I've been looking at places on craigslist but practically the only way I can afford to live on my own right now would be in some kind of trailer in Fallbrook. How else have I been filling my time lately? Usuing my b-day presents. Reading. I got Go Ask Alice for my birthday, I still don't understand why I like books about self destruction and general f-ed uped-ness. Like Jesus' Son and anything by Augusten Burroughs, basically anything that makes my life seem tame and normal I guess. Only thing is I kind of loose myself in the book and start to feel like the character and I feel the urge to finish the book as quickly as possible just to get out of their head, sometimes it's scary in there. Another thing I got for my birthday was the first season of Arrested Developement. I finished it in like 2 days. I know it's amazing because I can watch it by myself and still laugh. I've already netflixed the second season. I think the fact the episodes are less than 30 minutes makes it that much better for me, I'm not one to like to sit around for a whole hour of television. I'm actually surprised I finished the season because I'm not very good at watching tv shows. The only other ones I've watched non stop are The Office and Sex and the City, both of which I have seen every episode. I have major problems scheduling my life around a certain night and time, doesn't leave much room for spontaneity.


Besides wasting my time in front of the boobtube I'm on this dog kick, I had this dream that I had a dog a few weeks ago and it was life changing, I woke up with the remnants of that, so I've been pondering it, definitely would be nice to have something happy to see me when I get home, that I could take on walks or runs too. We are trying to fix our backyard up and put some concrete in, so perhaps after that I can walk on down to the shelter. Other kick I'm on is a camera kick, I want to get one, a really nice one so I can hang it over my neck and take pictures for days. just trying to figure out what I want..


For now I need to stop wasting my time watching videos like this: Daily dose of cute.

French Bulldog Can't Roll Over - watch more funny videos

True Colors

2 words come to mind at times like these.


Class Act.

That is all.

For the most part, it's alarming.

There is something I like to do when life gets a little nuts.

I discovered it a few months ago when I pulled into a car wash in a hurry to get my car clean cause some relatives were in town and wanted to see my new car. I was playing some fantastic song and I pulled into one of those automotive washes. The sun was just at a point where the light shone through the water, the mix of colored splashes of soap against the windows, the dance of the water spray to the symphony that was playing in my car. It was magical. So last month when things were stressful I went again, I remember I played "Spotlight" by Mute Math and it was in perfect time. This time I chose Madeline Adam's "I do what I'm told". The sun was setting and a leaned back and took it all in. I'm surprised I'm not more exhausted. I'm glad I went to Carrie's party though, I'm glad I spent the entire day today still in my dress and watched Vicky Christina Barcelona and ate fast food and relaxed. I don't even regret picking up the hitch hiker on my way to wash my car and help someone get to the surf before the sun set. But most of all I'm glad that this week is over. What a way to start 24 right? Running around like crazy and getting yelled at..



I found this picture in my phone this morning... I have no idea what it is but it's intriguing.


Well, here's to a better three day weekend I suppose.

Planning for the worst

My sister just poked her head in my room, asked if our cat was in here. I said no and then turned to see Marms perched on my bed like ahahahaha F you! So I guess she was.. and I had no idea.


It was eerie coming home today. I got a text from Kelsosaurus saying exactly what I felt.. so used to seeing her when I get home and Glory and now their all grown up and moving out. Aww I want to cry. And here I am. Here I am.. oh here I am. Tired and 24. There I said it.

Now to force myself to get some sleep.
It's going to be a long day tomorrow.








But I'm hoping for the best.

title you say?

I'm the hero of the story. Don't need to be saved.

It's alright. No one's got it all.


So. How did I spend my last moments? Dancing in my underwear to ace of base. fuck yeah.
I think it's ironic I've gotten more Happy Birthday advertisements like e-mails and discount cards than real ones. I don't need real ones but getting a bunch of fake ones kind of makes me feel bad. What was my first thing to do as a... gulp.. 24 year old? Wash my face. Maybe it will be symbolic some time, some where. I just can't get over the fact that TEN years ago I was a freshman sitting in the nook waiting for my mom to pick me up after cross country practice.


I want some water.

Now I'm a college graduate in my Run DMX shirt with a huge cup of water wondering how the heck I made it this far and if I'll make it another ten years and look back now and be like JESUS.

Jalapeño Margarita you will be mine.