I was sitting on my steps this evening talking to my mom on the phone. It's funny how although we are very different, we are very much the same. A very stupid person once told me that purple has both the colors red and blue in it but you'd never call it either of those colors, and while that was probably the only valuable genuine thing they told me, I still believe it to be very much true. And in the end I'm glad that I heard it. I'm glad that I can think about the good (and sometimes bad) qualities that I got but I'm glad that I can cherish the person I've become and thank my parents for it too.
My mom is a very brave woman. She's a lot of other things too, she's stubborn and she shuts people out and she has co-dependency issues, I see some of these things in myself. I too have a tough time opening up to people, I like things slow. I too can keep my feelings buried deep inside. But if there's anything I can hope that my mother gave me is bravery, because my god that woman is brave. I really am not sure I would have lasted as long as she has under the circumstances of her life. Today she told me that she's at a point in her life where she's so ready to just up throw off the bow lines and move to another country and fight for animal rights or try and save the rain forest or just do whatever she so well pleases. I told her, mom, you do whatever you damn want and you don't let anyone stop you, you have no one to answer to but yourself and I'll support you whatever you do. I just think the whole idea of it is marvelous and I know my mom would be brave enough to pull it off and I pray that she eventually can and will have the most fabulous of lives! I really do.
But in that I get hope, this month has been literally since day one, one of the worst month's ever.. I'm in a bad financial situation, ticket situation, rejected from multiple projects and jobs situation. It has literally been no's and I'm sorry's and bad news across the board. But I realized that no matter how bleak there is always hope and bravery. I've kept my head up before and it's taken me to more exciting places than I'd even imagine. So fuck it. I'm damn excited about a possible new volunteer/job position that I don't care, I'm going to let myself know that this will lead somewhere great, I just have this warm buzz about it. If March came in like a lion it will leave like a lamb. Frustrations will come but they will pass. And it their place smiles, and kisses, and travel, and birthday cake.
To the rest of the year being the best year of my life, cheers!
