The gunpowder between my teeth lets me know that I've come clean..

http://www.myspace.com/defendthemelody

Go here if you know what's good for you.


Adios my loves.

Revolting Revolving Resolutions

New year, new hair, new hat..

new necklace?

Today was productive.. got ma hairrrr did.. brought my poor bedridden secondary bff lunch... tried to give blood and was denied AGAIN.. first time was the weight, second time I was anemic, now my veins are too small?!?!  WTF now Edward will never LOVE ME!  As you can tell by my typing I'm being sarcastic.. where is the sarcasm font already?  Went to Target to buy more gifts and bought shit for myself :/ Then I met up with Matt and we destroyed Stone Brewery.. we pretty much just laughed at everything in the tour, I bet the guide hated us.. oh well it was fun.  I got home and baked something or other, passed out for like an hour and went to see the Disney movie.. again.  I swear Disney movies will be the death of me, I get all mushified over the romance stuff.  Pull yourself together Rose!  Now it's past 1am on xmas eve and I'm blogging.  There isn't much I want for Christmas that can be packaged and wrapped.  I got over gifts like 3 years ago, mainly because I just feel like I accumulate stuff and I'm at a point in my life where really I can just go get what I need myself.  I'm more of a random gift giver and a random gift taker.  Anyways, I'd really like some things to happen next year as my xmas gift.. like good people coming into my life, positive changes, and exciting events.  I'm thinking about my resolutions and I'm going for a total makeover overhaul, inside and out.  That means back to yoga, the gym, running, and eating right.  Also means getting out of the house more and exploring.  I want to start doing more volunteer work as well, finish my documentary, keep working at the piano, take classes again, and start trying to better my vocabulary.  I'm going to finally get my tattoo too!  Talking to an artist now and one of my really good friends is going as well.  I can tell 2010 is going to be insanely busy for me already, phew.  On top of all this I have to remind myself to stop and smell the roses.. yeah yeah yeah.. I think sometimes it's hard for people to keep up with me, I'm just everywhere sometimes and I guess I'm not one to just sit still very often, part of me gets scared because once I do settle down I take my time getting back up and I need to just relax and be myself and trust myself and my sister.. hahah we had a whole discussion about how she can read people really well and doesn't like a lot of people because of that, like she sees things I never do and catches vibes from people that most don't.  I think I need to take things less personally too and stop beating myself up over the tiny things, like I said just work on bettering myself.  Either way I can't complain somehow I've turned a whole lot of lemons into lemonade this year and thrown a few at people as well :P  I still believe that things fall as they should, even if we don't see it at the time and I am so thankful for all I have.  No one can ever say I didn't try my hardest and didn't stop laughing even when shit hit the fan.  And you know what?  This little lady, she's going places.. I aspire to be inspiring.  I'm living in the now and living to the fullest cause what's the use of a boring uneventful life? 


I am a fever, I am a fever.
I ain't born typical.

Sights and Sounds?

http://movieviral.com/2009/12/22/viralcast-24-avatar-review-iron-man-2-trailer-sherlock-holmes-and-more/

Yeah.. I sometimes moonlight in podcasts..
My mic sucks so I sound like I'm underwater.
I talk a lot about 56 minutes in..
So if you want to know what I sound like, um underwater.  Enjoy!

PS.  I could barely understand Ian.. but I'm in love with him none the less.. hahahahah

Until you realise

he doesn't even know you like stars.

Fight like Apes.
Kicking me in the head right now.  In a good way, great band. 

One more day of work this year then I'll catch you all in 2010..

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010

Brick by Brick

Christmas is less than a week away and it's so hot I want to go sailing.

Stopped at 7-11 to load up on Gatorade and water, blegh.  Dinner last night was.  Man it was so good.
Maybe it was because I'd been drinking since 3 and didn't eat breakfast or lunch but as I took that first bite I looked around me.  It might have been the ambiance too.. west Hollywood, candle lit tables.  And I thought you know my life may not be blessed forever but I am damn thankful for all this.  For the moments I felt like I was living. When everything sparkled and I smiled so big that my mouth took up most of my face and my eyes glowed.



If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it


But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Or even in the dark
And that's where I want to be

Some Old School Movies

So Here is a list of some old school movies that I just LOVE.

Seriously, they don't make them like they used to, so if you get a chance, netflix, rent, download, but check them out. Most of these should be appreciated by everyone, romance, suspense, and great story lines.  Just watch them, I PROMISE you, you won't be disappointed!


1. All About Eve (1950)
Why I love it?
     "Aspiring actress Eve Harrington maneuvers her way into the lives of Broadway star Margo Channing, playwright Lloyd Richards and director Bill Sampson. This classic story of ambition and betrayal has become part of American folklore."  -IMDB
     What is there NOT to love about this movie.  Bette Davis' performance as Margo Channing is spot on, with her famous perfectly written lines, you just can't help but love this jealous, uppity character for all her faults.  It's just an intriguing movie of how manipulative people can be.

2. The Bad Seed (1956)
Why I love it?
      "For little Rhoda, murder is child's play." -IMDB
     Another movie where the acting is just so good it's scary, literally.  This movie gives me the chills every time I see it.  Be ready to be thoroughly creeped the fuck out!   What makes this movie so great is what they don't show, they leave just enough up to the imagination.  The piano scene is the most frightening disturbing scene I've ever watched.. ughhh.  Eileen Heckar deserves an oscar for her role as the mourning mother looking for answers, she is only in about 5 minutes of the movie but she always manages to make me cry..

3. The Diary of Anne Frank (1959)
Why I love it?
      You all know the harrowing story of the Frank's families attempt at escaping the Nazi regime.  Last year I visited the actual attic where they stayed, this film was the only one allowed to film on location..   I can't help but get sucked into the Anne Peter relationship, their encounter on the rooftop is one of the most romantic cinematic moments ever depicted on the silver screen. 

4. The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945)
Why I love it?
      "His life was a muddy morass into which he dragged all who knew him! Such was Dorian Gray, the man who wanted eternal youth, and bartered his soul to get it!" -IMDB
     The summer between my sophomore and junior year I could definitely be found sitting in the hallway totally engrossed by this novel.  The movie is a great depiction of the book.  Hurd Hatfield plays Dorian, and truth be told the remake looks like crap compared to the original.. although I might go to stare at Ben Barnes for two hours.. my god.

5. In the Good Old Summertime (1949)
Why I love it?
      "It's turn of the century America when Andrew and Veronica first meet - by crashing into each other.  They develop an instant and mutual dislike." -IMDB
     You may figure out that this is what You've Got Mail was based on, except wayyy better.  Judy Garland and Van Johnson hatred for each other really makes this movie.  Judy Garland shines as always, she has a voice no one can compare to.  The physical comedy is spot on thanks to Buster Keaton who actually has a speaking role as well.. I have a soft spot for movies where people who hate each other fall in love. 

6.  Mr. Smith goes to Washington (1939)
Why I love it?
     "A naive man is appointed to fill a vacancy in the US Senate. His plans promptly collide with political corruption, but he doesn't back down." -IMDB
    I vividly remember watching this movie in fifth grade.  Jimmy Stuart may possibly have been one of my first movie star crushes.  His conviction in this movie totally inspired me to never give up hope.  I'm sure my mom had to hear allll about it when I got home, I remember talking about it for like an hour at dinner.  I was a weird kid.. 

7.  East of Eden (1955)
Why I love it?
      "Of what a girl did . . . what a boy did ... of ecstasy and revenge!' - IMDB
      Another movie based on a book, but a great one.  This was one of the only three movies that James Dean starred in but it's easy to see why his star shown so brightly.  He is heart wrenching in this movie, just brilliant. 

8.  Vertigo (1958)
Why I love it?
     "John "Scottie" Ferguson is a retired San Francisco police detective who suffers from acrophobia and Madeleine is the lady who leads him to high places." -IMDB
      I had to include at least one Hitchcock film.  This being one of my favorite, a close tie with Strangers on a Train.. Another great performance by Jimmy Stewart.  This movie grabs you and doesn't let go.  Twists, turns, and suspense. 

9.  Gone with the Wind (1939)
Why I love it?
      "American classic in which a manipulative woman and a roguish man carry on a turbulent love affair in the American south during the Civil War and Reconstruction." -IMDB
     I remember my roommate my freshman year who could barely sit through an hour movie forced me to watch this one.  I think I watched it over a few days in between classes but it was so worth it.  It's a classic for sure but there's a reason.  It's simply amazing.  If anyone kissed me like Rhett Butler.. hooo boyyyy.

10. Meet Me in St. Louis (1944)
Why I love it?
     " A cast of favorites in the Charming . . . Romantic . . . Tuneful Love Story of the Early 1900s" -IMDB
     This one has a special place in my heart.  I watch it with my family around Christmas every year but it's great.  I love the little sister "Tootie" who says all of her dolls have various incurable illnesses and buries them in the backyard.  Plus there is a character named Rose :P  The love story between the next door neighbors is the cutest thing you'll ever see, wah wah wah.. I love it!

Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.

It's official.


I am an insomniac.

 

Empire State of Mind

Just got my tickets to the Empire State Building
Just got my tickets to the Statue of Libery.
Just found out there is going to be a Tim Burton Exhibit at the MOMA.
Just started counting down the days.
Just realized that I need to go to sleep :D

No kids. No rules. No regulations.

Waiting to Export.


Your frontal lobes will shrink
While calcium collects
in your hips
in your hands
in your head
Your Kidneys start to fail
so they hook you up
to a beeping, ticking
pleading machine
that pumps your entire being
out

as you wait to export
and your blood pressure rises
mind wanders
arthritis of the soul
a crush of hopes and bones
a loss of dreams and platelets
a rusty automotive
being
breathing
weezing

genetic conundrum
it's the cards you were dealt
..kind of
twinges of regret
tickle as they push back
amino acid reflux
protein shake of life
waiting as they import
your own self back
in


Just thinking about growing old.  My parents.  My genes.. My friend's parents.. this is why.  This is why I am how I am.  Can I be responsible later?  When my knees start to buckle?  And my neck starts to ache?

P.S.  This is by far one of my all time favorite songs from Regina..
I've been listening to it all day :)

The answer is this, No. No I don't.

I stumbled into my house at 6. Turned on some Jimi Hendrix, turned off my light, and dragged my feet toward my bed. I love my bed. It's so comfortable. It smells like me, mix of my perfume, lilac febreez, and just my smell. I'm weird like that. I find certain peoples' smells attractive. I slumped into my sheets even though my phone kept going off.. leave it to my luck to have everyone calling me when all I want to do is sink away into the blankets and pillows that keep me from the real world. I had such an odd dream. The answer is "No. No I don't. But I wish that I could." So there, I had to get it out there cause someone kept asking me a question and I felt it imperative to somehow get it out into the universe. I hazily awoke and got stuck at home the rest of the night.. I shouldn't be left to my own devices hahaha. I grabbed my Rosarito Mexican blanket. It makes me proud, it has roses on it and I haggled it down to twenty dollars, which is what I told everyone I would do. I smuggled firecrackers back inside it, we threw them at the guard at Elfin Forest.. ahhh to be 18. But I digress. Bundled up in my blanket I scooted down the hall and into the living room, where I spent the rest of the evening watching "The Good Old Summertime" ohhh Van Johnson... I am such a sucker for old romantic movies.. Now it's time to sink back into those sheets and mingle myself into my beautiful amazing bed with skull sheets. Listening to Stars Fell on Alabama makes me happy to just be here now. Life is good but I think I shall duck out for the weekend, turn my phone off, and drive out of SD. I know just the place, it's nice to have places to escape to. So I'm going to miss a few get togethers, oh well, time for a mini vaca before my mini vaca to NYC. Also, I just think it's rather fantastic that I will be going to Madrid next summer. High fives all around for having free places to stay! My sister is studying out there and I get to go party in my HOMELAND! Viva la Spaniards! Time to learn my Spanish and start researching, I want to find some long lost familia! And then Peru in 11'.. Traveling.. I can't quit you, thus I am broke. But nothing can replace the experience of getting so drunk in London that you hobble back to your hotel after one huge beer, no sleep, jet lag, and pass out your first night at like 8pm London time only to wake up at like 3am wondering where the hell you are. Just the different people out there, the way of life! Pura Vida! Costa Rica was awesome too. I wonder if the Spaniards will be fun? Se la vie. We shall see!!!

PS. Examples below of WHY I should not be left at home alone with nothing to do ever again:

 

Faint white figures paint my sleep.

My subconscious is a jerk.  I wish I could tell people the dreams I have about them.
I think though, going up to someone I don't know very well and being like, "Hey, I had a dream that we were drinking rootbeer floats in a Chem lab last night!" might just be crossing a line of some sorts.  Or my recent favorite is dreaming about someone telling me they considered going to my house and slapping me as hard as they could, but that was one of three options.

It's funny to me how I sort things out and relay them, a few weeks ago I was bashing in windows and display cases with someone I was very angry with.  We didn't speak a word to each other, just grabbed some bats and went to town.  Last night I was floating through the ocean and trying to escape a whale shark?  I've been having a shit ton of water dreams lately and I really don't know why..  Once I had a dream that we were in the Apocalypse and I was riding around in a jeep through Escondido looking for a good pair of ass kicking boots the entire time.  I think a dream that sticks with me the most though is the one about this scary man who made everyone get on a conveyor belt that fed you to a cardboard monster that looked eerily like my garage.. I wrote a poem about it.  I need to do that more often.  Still, one of my most favorite poems I ever wrote.

Cardboard Monster

Conveyor belt pulls

the children of the town

When a small square man

From a small scared town

With his slick black hair

And his nice black suit

Curls his boot black mustache

plants his foot in root

Calls the children of the town

wipes his round round glasses

with the thick black frames

feels like old molasses

If you run

If you hide

He will find you

Bide the tide

He will put you on the belt

till your face starts to melt

there's a monster there for you

shaped like a big garage

with big cardboard eyes

he's a false cardboard god

he chomps on your legs

he swallows you down

you're a victim now

of a small scared town

then the man starts to laugh

as your sucked into the dark

and a murmur starts to breed

in your dark dark heart

2009 A Retrospective.

I stole these questions from a skate interview.. but I liked them.

5 Best Trips

1.  I went to Santa Cruz/ SF three times this year.. each time got exponentially crazier. 

2.  Meeting Jeff, Judy, and Viv in Santa Barbara.  We drove around looking for midget homes and played rock band all weekend. 

3.  Coachella 08'  We came.  we camped.  we conquered. 

4.  Vegas in November for the Holiday party/event.  Rancid live, free food, and my own amazing room at the Wynn.  I also watched the sunrise one night.  It was quite beautiful. 

5.  Taking a boat in the middle of the rain forest for an hour to a small island in Costa Rica.. there really is nothing like it.  The country was beautiful.  Filled with amazing wild life, beaches, and volcanoes.   Went to a hot springs and went down a water slide that would never be legal in the US, zip lined through the jungle, and white water rafted. 

5 Best Reasons To Lose Weight

1.  Because I need less weight on my knees to run the marathon.

2.  So I can make it through a hike through the jungle to a waterfall without having to stop every five minutes.

3.  So I can eat my weight in candy, beer, and food on various holidays/trips and not feel bad :P

4.  Love handles unfortunately don't make finding love easier. 

5.  NYC New Years.. gotta look good under all those layers.

5 Best Celebrity Encounters

1.  News spread like wildfire that Rob Halford was gonna be in the office.. my co worker and I didn't take our lunches until after he was here.. we made sure to wait for him in the lobby and get pictures, he was really nice and smelled so good.  

2.  Meeting that little kid from Role Models who is so funny and so bad ass. 

3.  Randomly ran into Travis from Gym Class Heroes in the VIP section of a club for my friends bachelorette party, I think I drunkenly told him how much I loved them when I saw them years ago when there was like 5 people at their show and I knew they'd hit it big.  Then someone asked us to leave him alone..

4.  Does taking a picture of my coworker and Lars from Rancid count? 

5.  Finally went up to Big Black at an event and got his pic.  I told him we would be on the next cover of the good friends cereal box.  I wonder how much their sales have gone up since the show?

5 Best Reasons To Stay Fat

1.  Cause food is so goddamn good!

2.  Real women have curves.

3.  So I can list myself as BBW (Big Beautiful Women) or the one I made up FAF (Fat And Fabulous) on all the craigslist ads. 

4.  Who needs love WHEN they have love handles :P

5.  Again, so I can eat my weight in candy, beer, and food and not feel guilty.  

5 Best Pick Me-Ups

1.  Cookie cake pie.  You make me that, you make my day.

2.  Planning a trip to somewhere at sometime. 

3.  Watching a really really really good movie.

4.  Seeing a band live.  Me loves it :)

5.  Currently new obsession?  Playing the piano, totally makes me feel good no matter what.

5 Best Ways To Apologize

1.  Honestly, just getting an apology would be nice.. but alas, that probably will never happen.

2.  Writing a letter and leaving it on someones car.

3.  Saying sorry then running away while you cry loudly.

4.  Slapping someone as hard as you can and then when they say, "WHY'D YOU DO THAT?"  you say, "to apologize.. I'm sorry"

5.  Best way to apologize is to mean it though.  Or else it's not worth your time. 

 

5 Best Flavored Liquers

1.  Sweet Tea Vodka.. sweet jesus it's good.

2.  Peppermint schnapps in hot cocoa.. specially amazing for meteor showers.

3.  Vanilla vodka? 

4.  Does amaretto count?

5.  Whatever I like beer.. *cough brown nut ale at stone cough*

5 Best Songs

1.  Flavors - Jack Conte

2.  Retrograde - Jemina Pearl 

3.  Those to Come  - The Shins

4.  We Used to Vacation - Cold War Kids

5.  I Am Not A Robot - Marina & The Diamonds

 

5 Best Moments of 2009

1.  Probably about 10 seconds before I finished my marathon.  I was trying to smile for the cameras but inside I was bawling like a baby so I kept frowning and smiling and frowning again and trying soooo hard to look happy in my picture without crying cause I couldn't believe I had done it.

 

2.  Standing on some steps in the middle of the rain forest, after swimming in the most amazing waterfall ever, while it was pouring rain, and just listening to the sound of nothing really.  No cars, computer hums, or complaints.  Pretty epic.

3.  Creating a drink with Jeff called "heavy flow" and intricately describing everything about the drinks to everyone who was there that night.  Next time less grenadine Jeff.  Maybe we should rename it "light flow".

4.  The day before Vegas.  I was so excited for the trip and we were blasting Morrissey.  Ang and I were talking in the office and she was telling me a story about what one of my co workers said about me.  I fell on the floor crying I was laughing so hard.  In Vegas I mentioned it to him and he got totally butt hurt about me finding out.. really though, I was totally flattered. Actually Vegas was pretty funny, we have some amazing sayings from that weekend.  BULLDOG ahahahahah

5.  November 1st.  It was a best moment by default. 

24th B-day.. 

Give up the Ghost

I feel like I'm being mind fucked right now.


Seriously.

Seriously.. I want things to be simple again.  I miss the summer.  I miss it so much.  I miss driving home in the light, I miss the beach, I miss the freedom I had.

Besides being royally f-ed with.  Tonight was fun, BR night always is.  Best part was going to drop Joe off and him saying, want to see something crazy in ten seconds and then when we get to his house it's like SDG&E's wet dream.. hahah Christmas lights GALORE.  SO random.  I may or may have not bought the hat below at Ross but with black fur.  Peppermint mocha was a good idea.  It's getting cold.  And already my plans have filled up for the entire month now.  Parties every weekend till xmas, Disneyland perhaps?  A visit to my dads?  The symphony on Friday.. Karaoke.  Oh December, I welcome thee with open arms!