My brilliant neighbor Mike

And here I am.  Lying in bed.  Alone.  Blogging.  Getting frightened by my neighbor knocking on my door at 1am.. my pants nowhere in sight.  He kept knocking and before I could think I yelled, "I can't find my pants!!!"  Of all the neighbors, I think I must be the classiest.  Also, I was totally watching Reba and it was loud as shit.  What a double way to embarrass myself.   All he wanted to, I think drunkenly, tell me is that I left my light on in my car.  It disturbs me that he knew what car I owned, I have never seen, let's call him Mike, in my life.  He said his name but I never remember names.  He looks more like a Mike anyways, I can imagine people yelling "Mike you just got iced bro!" at him.. Mike fits.  So yes, Mike my neighbor, who lives in cottage 8, who likes to decide to be friendly at 1am.. and who definitely could possibly be a bro.  I had a friend/co-worker who suspected there were bro's living in his condo complex, once I saw one of them literally fall out of their lifted truck they were so drunk.  Aside from the fact that he probably mowed down five children on his way home it was fucking hilarious witnessing that.  We used to try and come up with possible ways to lure bros to his apartment with trails of monsters and bro hoes.  I don't remember why anyone would think we should discuss bro capturing tactics but I'm weird so whatever.  Anyways, now I think Mike thinks I'm rude for not answering the door for so long.. but really, my dmc shirt was not going to suffice as proper attire.  He'd probably think I was trying to seduce him.  I think he thought I was, even with my pants on, because when I asked him where he lived he replied "WE live in cottage 8."  Making sure to emphasis WE as he held onto the stoop and kind of swung forward.  Yeah he definitely was drunk.. Is this the editorial "we" dude?  Because I ain't seen nobody here but you.. and me.. maybe "we" is a pet bird?  or perhaps a stuffed pillow in the shape of a woman?  Either way I didn't ask where "we" lived you dumb shit.  I asked where YOU live.  If only to try and be nice and curious since you so politely banged on my door at 1am to tell me a tiny light in my car was left on, one I have left on many nights before and has never drained my battery.

I think I'll leave him a gift basket of Smirnoffs and other bro like things (hair gel? axe body spray?) on his porch as a thank you gift..  Or next time I'm drunk and in a good mood bang on his door at 1am.

Hmm that last sentence does sound like I'm trying to seduce him.  Ew.