Trying to deal with the undeniable fact that I am not special.

It's tragic.. but it's true.  Out of all the faces in this blur of world how can one person have the audacity to think that they are special?  That they're going to do something one day?  I feel I had many chances but instead let them slip through my fingers.  Leaving a trail of sand behind me that no one really cares about much except for me.  I always have held people in colorful mason jars.  So the light shone through and beauty filled the gaps, strong morals instead of voids.  Unfortunatelty I'm beginning to find that my way of looking at things was backwards.  In fact, most people, as they open up to me, reveal much darker pasts and sides and instead of finding goodness I begin to see the ugliness of humanity.  What a naive stupid girl I've been.. what a cold person I feel I've become.   To think people would conduct themselves in a way, that they'd respect people, and love anyone but themselves.. such a stupid stupid thing to think.  I feel the most unspecial I've ever felt.. another face in a crowd, a car whooshing by, a story nobody cares to hear because they have much more important things to do.  Yeah, like get wasted and piss themselves, or order a latte, or get home to watch a reality tv show.. yeah, much more important..