cause I am just as free as air
as long as I got legs and trains got wheels
I could arrive me anywhere
and if the lord above comes down
and asks you where the hell I am
just answer no one knows where Rosie goes
cause I'm a box car baby ma'am
Thursday, December 16, 2010
You're waiting for a train.
There ain't a a soul can hold me back
cause I am just as free as air
as long as I got legs and trains got wheels
I could arrive me anywhere
and if the lord above comes down
and asks you where the hell I am
just answer no one knows where Rosie goes
cause I'm a box car baby ma'am
cause I am just as free as air
as long as I got legs and trains got wheels
I could arrive me anywhere
and if the lord above comes down
and asks you where the hell I am
just answer no one knows where Rosie goes
cause I'm a box car baby ma'am
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
2010 A Retrospective. The same quiz a year later.
I found this quiz last year and filled it out, I thought it would be interesting to revisit.
5 Best Trips
1. Going to NYC with Gloria to ring in New Years. It was a once in a life time experience. Thus I will only have waiting in 4 hours of freezing cold weather and snow to watch a tiny ball drop once in my life. Revisiting for work was fun too though :) There's something magical about that city.
2. Japan/ Taiwan. Getting laid off at the beginning of the year gave me the opportunity to go somewhere I'd never been and always wanted to. The trip was so much fun especially since I did it ALL BY MYSELF. Long plane rides, packed metros, confusing signs, meeting new people, visiting old friends. Trying all the crazy weird food! Pigs blood cake, shrimp with little eyes (EW), jelly fish, and loads of other things. I kept asking Yen, "What is this?" And he'd say "I dunno, just put it in your mouth."
3. Death Valley Trip. It was a pretty last minute, thrown together, crazy fun car ride kind of trip. I felt like a lot of good came out of that trip though. Boogie boarding down sand dunes, singing at the fire, making amazing food, oh and Tyler eating a red ant.. I think I'll never forget putting together that stupid fucking tent in the crazy non stop wind in the middle of the dark ass night using rocks because Dominic and I couldn't find the stakes and then finding the stupid stakes in the morning.
4. Spain/ Morroco/ Paris. I came back tan and five pounds lighter thanks to Morocco and the bland jamon laden food of Spain. But what a trip, lots of ups and downs, and crazy buses to boats, to trains, to taxis, to planes. I loved the beaches in Spain, everyone, and I mean everyone went top less or at least in a bikini no matter size or shape, it made me want to too, but I don't think mom would approve.
5. DC. Such a fun little adventure into the crispiness of our capital. Now I know what beer to order on the east coast, how to make the Washington memorial look like a dick in pictures, and what bar in Virginia to go to get free drinks and find May Lin. The museums were a lot of fun and seeing Cat Steven's live was like mind blowing.
5 Best Reasons To Lose Weight
1. Dysentery. Believe me, not as great as it sounds. Yeah I lost five pounds after Morocco but what I endured for the rest week.. not worth it.
2. Getting laid off doesn't necessarily help your waist line.
3. So my boyfriend stops calling me a morbidly obese fatty every time I sit down to a meal.
4. I just need to go to the gym and tone up really. I swear I'm not fat.
5. So I can start training for a marathon again?
5 Best Celebrity Encounters
1. ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG TOUCHING Beckam at the first SUFS. His sexiness almost blinded me.
2. Also, Phil Margera. He's so cute, in college I watched Viva La Bam religiously. One of my favorite episodes is when they ironed little hamburgers on ALL of Phil's clothes. So when I saw him I immediately looked at his outfit, low and behold a faded lil' hamburger was staring back at me. I about died laughing.
3. Working the red carpet for the White Trash Beautiful fashion show. Seriously. That's what it was called. But I saw a bunch of semi famous people I guess.
4. Standing next to Elisabeth Hasslebeck and her kiddos in NYC, even though I think she's an idiot her kids were uber cute.
5. Interviewing a bunch of So you think you can dance contestants. They were too much fun, I mean, "Who needs the pinky toe?! Really?!?"
5 Best Reasons To Stay Fat
1. Comfort food is the best kind of food.
2. Because I really am not fat at all and actually lost a lot of weight this year accidentally and really don't want to loose anymore of it :o
3. So when my boyfriend does call me fat I can sit on him and totally crush him underneath my morbidly obesity.
4. Then once he's out of the picture I'll market myself as BBW or whatever it is on Craigslist. ;D
5. ME WANT COOKIES.
5 Best Pick Me-Ups
1. Again, cookie cake pie. Jesus christo it's good.
2. CUDDLING :3 It's my newest favorite thing to do. <3
3. Doing something small yet special for me, like a surprise or a nice gesture. It's the little stuff.
4. Drive in movies. There's one in Goleta I've been wanting to go to! Then if someone asks me what I'm doing I can say I'm (at the drive in). :P
5. Going to any kind of show with music. It always makes me feel better.
5 Best Ways To Apologize
1. With kisses and more kisses.
2. Screaming "I'M SORRY" angrily right in my face.
3. Making someone a nice meal and when they ask why saying it's to apologize and when they say apologize for what?! Say, I accidentally spent all your money, let your cat out, and crashed your car. Whoops, bon appetit!
4. Just genuinely meaning it. Pobody's Nerfect.
5. Post-it's are a great way to say you're sorry.
5 Best Flavored Liquers
1. Stella on tap. I had it on tap for the first time at our local bar down the street and have been hooked since.
2. Jalapeno Passion fruit martini's from a tiny bar tucked away in NYC.
3. Vodka gingerales? They were a perfect mistake.
4. Champagne from Paris.. wish I had another bottle.
5. These Hot Taughtys have been helping me through my flu thingy I've got going on.
5 Best Songs
1. Radar Detector - Darwin Deez
2. No One's gonna love you - Cee lo Green Re-mix
3. New Romantic - Laura Marling
4. How do you like me now? - The Heavy
5. Settle Down - Kimbra
5 Best Moments of 2010
1. New Years night was pretty damn memorable. Standing in the cold for hours, meeting a bunch of crazy awesome people from Pennsylvania and partying with them until 5am in rain boots, tights, and a long shirt at a club in NYC.
2. "This is going to be a bad meeting." Literally the first thing my boss said to me right before she laid me off after almost three years on the job. Although at the time I thought this was a bad moment, it turns out it's been a best moment because of the events to fall into place after wards.
3. Chinese New Years, in Taiwan with Yen, watching fireworks from his rooftop, making wishes for the new years. They came true too!
4. The last night of Coachella. Sitting on a little hill of grass looking out at everything after a whirlwind of a week when all of a sudden a crazy man doing cartwheels approached us and talked to us for about 20 minutes. We agreed we'd meet in the same place, same time next year. I wonder if he'll actually show?
5. Finally moving out of the house to my new place with hardwood floors and a bathtub with claw feet. Now time to cuddle up in bed with a book. Hopefully I won't knock a pillow next to the heater and almost burn the place down again.
5 Best Trips
1. Going to NYC with Gloria to ring in New Years. It was a once in a life time experience. Thus I will only have waiting in 4 hours of freezing cold weather and snow to watch a tiny ball drop once in my life. Revisiting for work was fun too though :) There's something magical about that city.
2. Japan/ Taiwan. Getting laid off at the beginning of the year gave me the opportunity to go somewhere I'd never been and always wanted to. The trip was so much fun especially since I did it ALL BY MYSELF. Long plane rides, packed metros, confusing signs, meeting new people, visiting old friends. Trying all the crazy weird food! Pigs blood cake, shrimp with little eyes (EW), jelly fish, and loads of other things. I kept asking Yen, "What is this?" And he'd say "I dunno, just put it in your mouth."
3. Death Valley Trip. It was a pretty last minute, thrown together, crazy fun car ride kind of trip. I felt like a lot of good came out of that trip though. Boogie boarding down sand dunes, singing at the fire, making amazing food, oh and Tyler eating a red ant.. I think I'll never forget putting together that stupid fucking tent in the crazy non stop wind in the middle of the dark ass night using rocks because Dominic and I couldn't find the stakes and then finding the stupid stakes in the morning.
4. Spain/ Morroco/ Paris. I came back tan and five pounds lighter thanks to Morocco and the bland jamon laden food of Spain. But what a trip, lots of ups and downs, and crazy buses to boats, to trains, to taxis, to planes. I loved the beaches in Spain, everyone, and I mean everyone went top less or at least in a bikini no matter size or shape, it made me want to too, but I don't think mom would approve.
5. DC. Such a fun little adventure into the crispiness of our capital. Now I know what beer to order on the east coast, how to make the Washington memorial look like a dick in pictures, and what bar in Virginia to go to get free drinks and find May Lin. The museums were a lot of fun and seeing Cat Steven's live was like mind blowing.
5 Best Reasons To Lose Weight
1. Dysentery. Believe me, not as great as it sounds. Yeah I lost five pounds after Morocco but what I endured for the rest week.. not worth it.
2. Getting laid off doesn't necessarily help your waist line.
3. So my boyfriend stops calling me a morbidly obese fatty every time I sit down to a meal.
4. I just need to go to the gym and tone up really. I swear I'm not fat.
5. So I can start training for a marathon again?
5 Best Celebrity Encounters
1. ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG TOUCHING Beckam at the first SUFS. His sexiness almost blinded me.
2. Also, Phil Margera. He's so cute, in college I watched Viva La Bam religiously. One of my favorite episodes is when they ironed little hamburgers on ALL of Phil's clothes. So when I saw him I immediately looked at his outfit, low and behold a faded lil' hamburger was staring back at me. I about died laughing.
3. Working the red carpet for the White Trash Beautiful fashion show. Seriously. That's what it was called. But I saw a bunch of semi famous people I guess.
4. Standing next to Elisabeth Hasslebeck and her kiddos in NYC, even though I think she's an idiot her kids were uber cute.
5. Interviewing a bunch of So you think you can dance contestants. They were too much fun, I mean, "Who needs the pinky toe?! Really?!?"
5 Best Reasons To Stay Fat
1. Comfort food is the best kind of food.
2. Because I really am not fat at all and actually lost a lot of weight this year accidentally and really don't want to loose anymore of it :o
3. So when my boyfriend does call me fat I can sit on him and totally crush him underneath my morbidly obesity.
4. Then once he's out of the picture I'll market myself as BBW or whatever it is on Craigslist. ;D
5. ME WANT COOKIES.
5 Best Pick Me-Ups
1. Again, cookie cake pie. Jesus christo it's good.
2. CUDDLING :3 It's my newest favorite thing to do. <3
3. Doing something small yet special for me, like a surprise or a nice gesture. It's the little stuff.
4. Drive in movies. There's one in Goleta I've been wanting to go to! Then if someone asks me what I'm doing I can say I'm (at the drive in). :P
5. Going to any kind of show with music. It always makes me feel better.
5 Best Ways To Apologize
1. With kisses and more kisses.
2. Screaming "I'M SORRY" angrily right in my face.
3. Making someone a nice meal and when they ask why saying it's to apologize and when they say apologize for what?! Say, I accidentally spent all your money, let your cat out, and crashed your car. Whoops, bon appetit!
4. Just genuinely meaning it. Pobody's Nerfect.
5. Post-it's are a great way to say you're sorry.
5 Best Flavored Liquers
1. Stella on tap. I had it on tap for the first time at our local bar down the street and have been hooked since.
2. Jalapeno Passion fruit martini's from a tiny bar tucked away in NYC.
3. Vodka gingerales? They were a perfect mistake.
4. Champagne from Paris.. wish I had another bottle.
5. These Hot Taughtys have been helping me through my flu thingy I've got going on.
5 Best Songs
1. Radar Detector - Darwin Deez
2. No One's gonna love you - Cee lo Green Re-mix
3. New Romantic - Laura Marling
4. How do you like me now? - The Heavy
5. Settle Down - Kimbra
5 Best Moments of 2010
1. New Years night was pretty damn memorable. Standing in the cold for hours, meeting a bunch of crazy awesome people from Pennsylvania and partying with them until 5am in rain boots, tights, and a long shirt at a club in NYC.
2. "This is going to be a bad meeting." Literally the first thing my boss said to me right before she laid me off after almost three years on the job. Although at the time I thought this was a bad moment, it turns out it's been a best moment because of the events to fall into place after wards.
3. Chinese New Years, in Taiwan with Yen, watching fireworks from his rooftop, making wishes for the new years. They came true too!
4. The last night of Coachella. Sitting on a little hill of grass looking out at everything after a whirlwind of a week when all of a sudden a crazy man doing cartwheels approached us and talked to us for about 20 minutes. We agreed we'd meet in the same place, same time next year. I wonder if he'll actually show?
5. Finally moving out of the house to my new place with hardwood floors and a bathtub with claw feet. Now time to cuddle up in bed with a book. Hopefully I won't knock a pillow next to the heater and almost burn the place down again.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Ummm, it's the second star to the right and..
Sometimes I don't talk because I don't think you really want to listen.
Many people who first meet me say "she's a quiet one." Which I think is funny because I'm really not at all. Actually most of my life I've been scolded for talking too much or too loud. But on the other end of that spectrum I can be just as quiet. "What are you thinking?" I've heard more times than I can count. I wish that more often I could collect my thoughts and display them in a correct order of words to get exactly across how I feel and exactly when I feel them. Most of the time I don't express something until it is too late, after my mind has processed this universe of thought into a flat plane of exsistance. That's the only way I can describe it, my dyslexia in a way. Saying things I don't mean and meaning things I don't say.
Many people who first meet me say "she's a quiet one." Which I think is funny because I'm really not at all. Actually most of my life I've been scolded for talking too much or too loud. But on the other end of that spectrum I can be just as quiet. "What are you thinking?" I've heard more times than I can count. I wish that more often I could collect my thoughts and display them in a correct order of words to get exactly across how I feel and exactly when I feel them. Most of the time I don't express something until it is too late, after my mind has processed this universe of thought into a flat plane of exsistance. That's the only way I can describe it, my dyslexia in a way. Saying things I don't mean and meaning things I don't say.
So instead I'm the quiet one. Lost in my head. Wishing I could bring to life the bumbling thoughts that circle around like tumble weed in a desert. That being said, I think it's about time I start being more quiet, at least here. Not that I think I've said too much or too little but I've just come to realize that it's time for me to take this energy and transfer it where it properly belongs, in my journal. Where there is no sensor, no filter, no rules, no regulations. Life is so full of twists and turns and stops and goes and constrictions anyways, why not have one place to be free of this? I don't think I should burden you all with my petty insight, especially when I keep much of who I am private from the world anyways.
I can't believe this year is already over, reflecting, it hasn't been easy. But none of you would know about that anyways. It's been an uphill climb, it's been trial and error, it's been me growing up, and realizing that I'm not a kid anymore and I can no longer return to nevernever land, ever again.
I can't believe this year is already over, reflecting, it hasn't been easy. But none of you would know about that anyways. It's been an uphill climb, it's been trial and error, it's been me growing up, and realizing that I'm not a kid anymore and I can no longer return to nevernever land, ever again.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Maybe I should give up, give in.
Give up trying to be thin.
Give up and turn into my mother.
God knows I love her.
I locked myself out of the apartment. When do I not lock myself out of hmm, my dorm, my house on my way to work, my car, my apartment? Basically anything that has a door with a lock which I hold a key to. And always that rush of the door that closes behind me in and one roaring whoosh of air the realization that. fuck. I did it again. I got back in though, and then as punishment decided to clean the ever loving crap out of it. It may be all the coffee I've had as well. Either way it's sparkling now. Well, off to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Off to explore Lizard's head.
Give up and turn into my mother.
God knows I love her.
I locked myself out of the apartment. When do I not lock myself out of hmm, my dorm, my house on my way to work, my car, my apartment? Basically anything that has a door with a lock which I hold a key to. And always that rush of the door that closes behind me in and one roaring whoosh of air the realization that. fuck. I did it again. I got back in though, and then as punishment decided to clean the ever loving crap out of it. It may be all the coffee I've had as well. Either way it's sparkling now. Well, off to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Off to explore Lizard's head.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Blah ditty blah
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Never let me go.
Jesus.
If you'd like to be totally depressed and hopeless.
Read this novel.
It never gets good. It just festers and drags slowly painfully on about how tragic life can be. How people can fuck over others in their selfishness and how most accept their agonizing fate and slip away just like the rest of them. I cried yes, but more in anger at the damn book than anything else. It's hard to believe so many people would just "allow" such a cruel and unusual way of life. The easy part is believing how nasty people, no matter what their situation can be. And how selfishness can truly fuck other people up. It's probably the trait I dislike the most in people. Making decisions based solely on their emotions and drives. It was so fucked.
Lately I've been drawn to my life exactly as it was one year ago.. mainly because I became much more self aware in the that month of November, I took a little journey of self realization and although it wasn't an easy one it was one hell of a fun ride. I felt, for the first time, free of a lot of things. I was planning a trip to NYC, just as I'm doing now but I was laughing every night, I was spending lots of time with my friends. Last year I was camping in Dixon on a most unusual awkward night of craziness and fun. Gloria and I ended up talking all night about some pretty deep stuff watching the sun rise over the town. I remember I was late for work. My boss said something to me about being late in which I apologized profusely and mentioned the meteor shower. He turned to me and said, and I'll never forget this, ever.. "Meteor showers don't pay the bills." I remember I shook my head and headed still half asleep to my desk. I sat there and let his message settle somewhere between my stomach and my heart. I know they don't pay the bills, but fuck it. They make me feel something more than a day at the office ever will. Laying there watching as these beautiful greens and purples grazed the sky, feeling like some kind of magnet looking out into the mysterious universe out there gave me more satisfaction than any amount of green printed pieces of paper ever have or ever will. Period. And knowing the difference, well there was a definite change in me that day one that's been enveloping over the past year. One that has taught me that no matter how bad things look or bleak, I have the ability to make it a fun wild ride with plenty of stories to pass on throughout the years. I don't accept my fate. I will face it. Fuck those kids in "Never let me go." I won't let myself imagine what could have been and focus on what is happening.
Recently an old friend passed away. Yes he was well into his 80's and yes, I tend to and still do somehow befriend the oldest person in the room. But he was a great man. My mom texted me while I was in DC about his passing and I was really upset by it. I missed his memorial but my mom saved me a booklet. I read about his life, stories he hadn't told me, he lived a fulfilling life, and I can only hope to accomplish half of what he did.
If you'd like to be totally depressed and hopeless.
Read this novel.
It never gets good. It just festers and drags slowly painfully on about how tragic life can be. How people can fuck over others in their selfishness and how most accept their agonizing fate and slip away just like the rest of them. I cried yes, but more in anger at the damn book than anything else. It's hard to believe so many people would just "allow" such a cruel and unusual way of life. The easy part is believing how nasty people, no matter what their situation can be. And how selfishness can truly fuck other people up. It's probably the trait I dislike the most in people. Making decisions based solely on their emotions and drives. It was so fucked.
Lately I've been drawn to my life exactly as it was one year ago.. mainly because I became much more self aware in the that month of November, I took a little journey of self realization and although it wasn't an easy one it was one hell of a fun ride. I felt, for the first time, free of a lot of things. I was planning a trip to NYC, just as I'm doing now but I was laughing every night, I was spending lots of time with my friends. Last year I was camping in Dixon on a most unusual awkward night of craziness and fun. Gloria and I ended up talking all night about some pretty deep stuff watching the sun rise over the town. I remember I was late for work. My boss said something to me about being late in which I apologized profusely and mentioned the meteor shower. He turned to me and said, and I'll never forget this, ever.. "Meteor showers don't pay the bills." I remember I shook my head and headed still half asleep to my desk. I sat there and let his message settle somewhere between my stomach and my heart. I know they don't pay the bills, but fuck it. They make me feel something more than a day at the office ever will. Laying there watching as these beautiful greens and purples grazed the sky, feeling like some kind of magnet looking out into the mysterious universe out there gave me more satisfaction than any amount of green printed pieces of paper ever have or ever will. Period. And knowing the difference, well there was a definite change in me that day one that's been enveloping over the past year. One that has taught me that no matter how bad things look or bleak, I have the ability to make it a fun wild ride with plenty of stories to pass on throughout the years. I don't accept my fate. I will face it. Fuck those kids in "Never let me go." I won't let myself imagine what could have been and focus on what is happening.
Recently an old friend passed away. Yes he was well into his 80's and yes, I tend to and still do somehow befriend the oldest person in the room. But he was a great man. My mom texted me while I was in DC about his passing and I was really upset by it. I missed his memorial but my mom saved me a booklet. I read about his life, stories he hadn't told me, he lived a fulfilling life, and I can only hope to accomplish half of what he did.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Everyone sounds better on paper.
A million ideas enveloped and died in the back of my brain today. I had a nightmare about shoes last night. Fuck. I recently had a lucid dream. I awoke and told someone about how I indeed had a lucid dream. Only to wake up and afterward realize I was dreaming the entire time. Does that count? I'm not sure.
Halloween has come and past and I didn't even dress up this year. Not that it mattered, I had a good Halloween, D.C. was nice, actually at first it reminded me of a clean less crowded version of NYC. Until, that is, the East coast snobbery reared it's ugly head, that and everything closes at like 4pm. The monuments were gorgeous though. It's crazy how something like that can evoke such strong feelings. A mass of stone and brick can cause you to dig deep into your head.
Today was kind of weird.. I did NOT want to get up. 8:30am is killing me. Didn't get home until 6pm only to find out that the republicans took the house. Double shit. For some reason the same feeling I got when Bush got re-elected came back. I wanted to blare music and drown out the news. On days like these when not much can be done, I just want to bury my head in the sand and weep.
I really don't want to go to bed, but my back hurts and my boyfriend's warm.. and also taking up the entire bed.. Maybe I'll read a bit of "Never let me go" and then go to bed. I finished Post Office yesterday and it was great, I've always like Bukowski's style, he cut's the crap which I love, I'm not one to love pages and pages describing a turtle crossing the road. Sorry Steinbeck. But my sister recommended this book and since she reads like 5 gazillion times more books than I, I trust her opinion.
2010 is beginning to wind down.. and the countdown begins on the by far most whirlwind year of my life.
Halloween has come and past and I didn't even dress up this year. Not that it mattered, I had a good Halloween, D.C. was nice, actually at first it reminded me of a clean less crowded version of NYC. Until, that is, the East coast snobbery reared it's ugly head, that and everything closes at like 4pm. The monuments were gorgeous though. It's crazy how something like that can evoke such strong feelings. A mass of stone and brick can cause you to dig deep into your head.
Today was kind of weird.. I did NOT want to get up. 8:30am is killing me. Didn't get home until 6pm only to find out that the republicans took the house. Double shit. For some reason the same feeling I got when Bush got re-elected came back. I wanted to blare music and drown out the news. On days like these when not much can be done, I just want to bury my head in the sand and weep.
I really don't want to go to bed, but my back hurts and my boyfriend's warm.. and also taking up the entire bed.. Maybe I'll read a bit of "Never let me go" and then go to bed. I finished Post Office yesterday and it was great, I've always like Bukowski's style, he cut's the crap which I love, I'm not one to love pages and pages describing a turtle crossing the road. Sorry Steinbeck. But my sister recommended this book and since she reads like 5 gazillion times more books than I, I trust her opinion.
2010 is beginning to wind down.. and the countdown begins on the by far most whirlwind year of my life.
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